Nelly Was Arrested For Rape As More Beloved 2000s Rappers Continue To Fall

It has been a bad year for 90s kids—all of our former beloved stars have disappointed us. Tupac’s legacy was stained with the All Eyez On Me biopic, R. Kelly is allegedly leading a sex cult (which we all should have suspected anyway, but still), Usher literally is out here letting it burn by giving women herpes, and Ja Rule organized the biggest disaster festival of all time. I recall at one point, probably when reporting on Usher STILL giving women herpes after being exposed, that Nelly was all we had left. I don’t remember if I actually wrote this down anywhere or if I just screamed it at anyone who would listen, but regardless, I said it. Well now we don’t even have Nelly, because Nelly was arrested for allegedly raping a woman. It’s over for us, 90s kids. Don’t meet your heroes. Or in this case, don’t live long enough for your heroes to become the villains. 

On Saturday, news broke that Nelly was taken into custody after a woman told police he had raped her. He was booked for investigation of rape in the second degree, according to CNNI’ve got to say, I’m a little surprised at how fast the police in Washington state took action, or even that they took action at all and didn’t like, ask the victim what she was wearing and how many Nelly albums she owns before sending her on her way and saying they’d “get back to her.” Or maybe I’m just too jaded and watch too much Law & Order: SVU. IDK.

Anyway, a woman alleged that Nelly sexually assaulted her in his tour bus after a performance at White River Amphitheater. The 21-year-old woman claimed she met Nelly at a club where they were partying and drinking, it got too “Hot In Herre” (sorry) and he invited her back to his tour bus for an after party, where he allegedly assaulted her without a condom. She then claimed she was kicked off the bus and Nelly tried to offer her money, which she refused.

Unsurprisingly, Nelly denied the claims from the get go. He took to Twitter on Saturday night to deny the allegations, because apparently in 2017 all serious PR matters are conducted via Twitter. Anyway, he wrote, “Let me say that I am beyond shocked that I have been targeted with this false allegation, I am completely innocent. I am confident that once the facts are looked at, it will be very clear that I am the victim of a false allegation.” Nelly’s attorney also called the allegation “devoid of credibility” and “motivated by greed and vindictiveness.” I mean, if you’re really going to report false accusations motivated by greed, I’d think you would choose a victim other than Nelly, who last year revealed he owes $150,000 in back taxes. But I guess people have done weirder things like elect a reality TV star with no political experience to our country’s highest office.

Nelly was released a few hours after his arrest and no charges were filed, so I’d advise you stay away from Twitter until more information develops because it’s going to be a rage-blackout land mine.

Now that R. Kelly is a sex cult leader, Usher has herpes, Ja Rule is a scammer, Bow Wow and 50 Cent are broke, and Nelly is an alleged rapist, who is left for us? I don’t even want to speak it into existence, but is Ludacris all we have left? Good god, it’s worse than I thought. Luda, if you’re reading this, please hold it together. Don’t commit any sex crimes. Our generation needs you now more than ever.


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