Saturday night, like any normal, socially relevant betch, I was out raging, not watching the MTV movie awards. I was shocked to hear that MTV is still even a thing… like isn’t it lame as fuck now? Like when The Real World is set in Philadelphia, one of the lamest cities on the East coast, you know the network is going down the drain. If it’s not on Netflix, I probably don’t know wtf is. However, I do have the internet, so I was able to laugh at all the ridiculous, attention-seeking, hot mess red carpet looks the next day. Conclusion: everyone was high af on some high-grade Cali medicinal shit when they got dressed for this B-list shitshow. Without further ado, the red carpet-goers that looked like… other stuff.
Ta’Rhonda Jones- A Cool Mom
You kids need anything? A snack? A condom?
Baddie Winkle – A badder, betchier version of The Pink Panther
YAS QUEEN. This whole look was incredible and she deserves to be Chic Betch of the Week every week.
Farrah Abraham – This really trashy girl from my high school that now does porn.
…Oh wait. That was Farrah Abraham. Whoops.
Brandon Wardell – Carter from A Cinderella Story
Amy Poheler – Kate Spade casualty
Or a single middle-aged woman from the Midwest who spent her tax return on a solo, Eat Pray Love-esque soul-searching journey to Disney World. Ok I kinda feel bad for ripping on Amy because she’s brilliant and I love her, but what the actual fuck was she thinking?
Salt-N-Pepa – My Lisa Frank school supplies from middle school
Swagged out, neon-velvety notebooks for daysssss.
Halsey – A betch after she does molly ONE time
Like OMG, peace, love, unity, respect guys!! I FUCKING LOVE AVICII
Andrea Whitt “AKA Boho Bunnie” – Britney and Justin circa 2001
Nope, sorry. If you go by what my middle school AIM screen name was, you are not worthy of imitating Britney. Try again.