If 2016 was the year of realizing stuff, then 2017 is realizing that everything was better in the early 2000s. MTV clearly agrees and is revamping their most popular shows, either because they realize that America is kind of in a weird place right now and just wants to feel comfortable again, or because they need money. Either way, we’re getting our fave early 2000s reality tv back, and that’s something to be very grateful for. First it was My Super Sweet Sixteen, then Trading Spaces (not MTV, but still) and now it’s Fear Factor. Please let Punk’D be next. There will be four teams competing for $50,000 each episode, which seems pretty realistic. Tbh I’d probably eat a worm for a $100 Whole Foods gift card.
Sadly, it seems like the worm eating might actually stay in the Bush Era, because MTV is saying the new Fear Factor will be different. Instead of doing “gross-out challenges” aka eating bugs and wolf dicks and stuff, they’ll be “targeting a new generation’s worst fears.” So that means like…what? They’re gonna make you go on Instagram and like a picture of your ex’s new gf from three years ago? They have you text something mean you meant to say about one person into a group text that includes that person? IDK. This sounds like the worst plot twist since the fake battle at the end of the last Twilight movie. Who wants to watch a drunk girl wake up to the texts she sent her ex or realize she got a 2-star Uber rating or looking at her transaction history on a Saturday morning? That’s making reality TV a little too fucking real. Bring back the bugs!
They’ll also have “challenges inspired by urban legends, horror films, and creepy online videos.” That just sounds like when Netflix and chill goes too deep into the documentary section. This change in structure seems sacrilegious from the original series, but based on all the shit millenials do it’s probably necessary. In a time where people spend hours on Yelp trying to find the best Brooklyn “specialty meat” restaurants, eating sheep eyes and buffalo testicles is basically gourmet now. Drinking a smoothie of blended rat sounds like something Gwyneth Paltrow would pitch on her blog right after trying to convince you to try vaginal steaming and buy Sex Dust. Plus laying in a tarantula or worm tunnel could probably pass as a skin cleanse.
Before you write off this remake as another Fuller House debacle, MTV knows the one thing that we want: Ludacris will be the host. I’d like to buy a drink for the executive who listened to this shitty idea and knew the only way to save it was to “put some Luda in it.” He probably needs the ego boost from watching people eat bugs after getting ripped for his shitty CGI abs.
So you’ll start watching for Ludacris, and keep watching to know that your life maybe a fucking mess, but at least you’re not bobbing for rings in a bucket of cow blood. What a time to be alive.