A Win For Feminism: Millennial Betches Drink As Much As Bros

Is your mom always on your back for “drinking too much” and “being a borderline alcoholic” and “worrying her”? Well, I won’t say that she has a point per se, but I will say that she’s probably right that you drink a lot—a new study found millennial women drink way more than women in decades past. Shouts out to progress, guys. We’re really doing it. Pat yourselves on the back, you alcoholics.

This study conducted by Columbia University and University of New South Wales basically analyzed a bunch of studies (don’t lose me here) that looked at alcohol consumption in 36 countries over the past 66 years. After they crunched a bunch of numbers and did all the boring shit I know you don’t care about, they found out some interesting things. First, while men used to drink twice as much as women, we now poison our livers with alcohol at basically the same rates. That’s a win for feminism. They also found that women and men are equally likely to be alcoholics. Again, great job, gender equality. I think we can all agree that given this news, coupled with the fact that a woman is running for president, sexism is officially dead.

We did it

Researchers think women are drinking more because now we have luxuries such as the ability to go to school and get a job and basically the shit that used to only stress men out—plus, on top of that, women get the added bonus of dealing with awesome stuff like sexism and the pressure to be mothers and constant double standards and oh god I need a drink, why am I out of wine?? That, and alcohol is being aggressively marketed towards women now (remember rosé? Of course you do).

So, as always, the two very important takeaways from this study are 1) parents just don’t understand, and 2) women are capable of doing anything men can do. I’ll drink to that in a non-responsible manner.



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