Creator of The Bachelor/ette Mike Fleiss has been tweeting out a surplus of “Behind the Scenes” Bachelor footage and in other news, my growing attraction to Nick Viall continues to be problematic. (I find him equally bone chilling and arousing and it’s become v confusing.)
Trigger warning: some of these spoilers are DARK as fuck. Like, this show is already dark (the final prize is marriage? ew LOL) and now there’s a DARK (but not in skin tone, because ABC is racist) lead. What I’m saying is you should prepare your mind soul and body for this next season of The Bachelor because it will eclipse itself in total darkness and people might die. Especially if they have sex, because then they will get pregnant and they will die.
Mike on the contestants:
Plot twist: The woman is actually Ivanka, she turns into the next Bachelorette, and Donald Trump joins the show as a contestant with the hope of marrying her.
Mike on Nick being basic as hell:
I bet Nick’s favorite movie is Varsity Blues. And Showgirls.
Mike on his love for white people (specifically, blonde women):
Nice, Mike. Real nice.
Mike on Nick’s receding hairline:
That hairline is not chillin’ It’s tryin’ to escape.
Mike on more white people selling their souls to
the devil Mike:
Oh cool. One black woman—possibly two. Cue the sarcastic slow clap for ABC.
Mike on what Nick Viall’s wedding would look like if he never found The Bachelor:
Aka a shotgun wedding with one random homeless guest and a bride who refuses to wear shoes because she’s a “free spirit.”
Lastly, Mike on this pic of my grandfather Neil Lane who is all smiles because he gets paid literally hundreds of thousands of dollars to open boxes. And also probably because he has an addiction to pain killers:
Love you Neil! (Are you ok?)