Dear world: today we proudly present the newest entry to Club DILF: Olympic champion/water god Michael Phelps. That’s right, Michael is busy training for his fifth Olympics later this summer, but his fiancée Nicole Johnson has been busy carrying their first child, and we’re pretty sure he wasn’t born with fins.
The little boy arrived last week, and they immediately blessed him with a pretty terrible name: Boomer. We’re not sure if this is supposed to be a fucking joke, but really? Boomer sounds like a mediocre name for a dog AT BEST, but it’s really better suited for a cartoon character or the mascot for a fast food chain. When you Google “boomer name,” the first result is a list of puppy names, and the top five includes an article about a famous kangaroo names Boomer. Sorry Mikey, but you really fucked this one up. Do people at school call him Boo? Mer? So many terrible possibilities!
Tbh, Michael might not have that many brain cells left from being underwater for so long/smoking weed, but Nicole really should have used some better judgment here. Either way, we wish them well and hope that little Boomer will be breaking world records in the pool any day now.