In case you’re fucking clueless and haven’t heard about Beyoncé’s new activewear line, Ivy Park, it’s a thing. A big thing. Also, earlier this week, the crazy Canadians over at Lululemon, a timeless betchy classic for ridiculously expensive workout shit, probs had way too many mimosas at brunch and started drunk-tweeting at some dude named SLY.
Oooooookay Lululemon. Jealous much? Like chill the fuck out, you sound like my angsty AIM away message in 2004. Also side note… aren’t Canadians supposed to be overly nice?? Eventually, those blackout betches sobered up and deleted the tweet, much like I delete aggressive bros on Tinder as soon as they ask me if I’m into “fitness dick in yo mouth”. Cringe. Obvi, the Twitterverse/Beyhive (is there a difference at this point?) called Lululemon out.
So why was such a huge brand so intimidated by a brand that hasn’t even been launched yet? Not to mention, the brands don’t even seem that similar? Based on Lana del Rey-esque, nostalgic home videos-meets-empowered sexual imagery promotion on Youtube, Ivy Park seems like a bunch of stretchy black shit with the words “Ivy Park” stamped across it in white block letters. Okay I fucking love Yoncé but I mean come onnnn, did she hire the designers that Abercrombie and Hollister kicked to the curb after nixing the skin-tight logo tees we stopped buying after middle school? In that case, those sweaty jealous betches up at Lululemon have nothing to worry about. Or maybe it’s bomb as hell and Lululemon will go bankrupt in a matter of days LOL.
Lululemon should also be worried because this isn’t their first scandal—remember when the CEO basically told plus-size customers who didn’t fit into the leggings “I don’t hate you because you’re fat. You’re fat because I hate you.” The message behind Ivy Park, on the other hand, is total #Girlpower. In an interview with Elle magazine, Bey cited the essence of Ivy Park as “to celebrate every woman and the body she’s in while always striving to be better.” Yas Queen. Plus she’s partnering with TopShop so it’ll be cheaper than our $100 pairs of Lulus.
Bottom line: watch out, Lululemon. They Bey Hive is about to sting. Namaste, betches.