Lucille Bluth: Betch of the Week

When it comes to fictional betches, some are obvioius. It's easy to be a young mean spirited narcissist when you're the likes of Regina George, Cher Horowitz, or Rachel Green. But it takes a real champion to pull off the betch lifestyle way into your later years when you have annoying shit like cheating husbands and chubby grandchildren to deal with. That's why our betch of the week is Lucille Bluth, a grandbetch who proves that you can regularly get drunk before noon and be hopped up on painkillers well into your golden years. Let's take a look at the betchy qualities that make Lucille the oldest woman since Queen Elizabeth II to get the title of a lifetime.


She enjoys showing her children how to pretend to be down to Earth. Her maid Lupe was even on our list of greatest housekeepers.



Sometimes #152 expensive skin shit won't do it. You need to get that chemical peel.



She knows the betchography is extremely important. Living in Arizona is social suicide.



#5 Diets are the best way to get people to stop #1 talking shit.



But it's definitely okay to talk shit while #130 driving like a fucking idiot.



Or for no reason at all…



It's never too early to start drinking. Just have some whole wheat toast.



It's okay to #197 overreact if the service is shitty at your #150 country club.



Who gives a shit if you #167 forget names on the reg?



Any kind of medical issue is a great excuse to head to #10 Candyland.



Giving dirty looks is an art.




And finally, know not only knows how to fight like a betch, but she #176 doesn't give a shit about change.



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