Although the annual Victoria’s Secret fashion show was taped last week, last night us peasants the general public was able to view it on air. Last night, I watched and ogled the six-pack abs I’ll set as a New Year’s Eve resolution this year (RT if you cry every time) while eating a fuck ton of pasta. I pigged out and admired the way Ming Xi (the one who fell on her ass) continued doing the damn thing in front of millions of people. I mean, I thought my drunk texts and blackout Snapchats were bad, but I really saw that worse things could happen, I guess. I cried when Alessandra Ambrosio was all, “Peace out, Victoria’s Secret. The South Beach Fat Flush sucked, anyway.” I admired Candice Swanepoel’s perfection, but mostly, I admired the skimpy lingerie and sky-high heels these models were strutting in as if this was the easiest thing to do. But, as every year, I had my laptop open next to me, not only to write this, but so I could shop the collection ASAP. Merry Christmas to me, bitches. This year was extra special, thanks to the Balmain capsule collection, so this shit will def sell out. Here’s everything you need to buy straight from the ~PINK~ runway.
1. Very Sexy Chantilly Lace Lace-Up Bralette
This sexual vibrant red number comes from the Nomadic Adventure collection. It’s full of fire reds, warm oranges, and tropical vibes that make it the perfect addition to your winter vacay wardrobe. The vibrant red bralette may not come with padding, but it comes with to-die-for lacing, bomb cleavage, and a high neck that provides just the right amount of illusion if you’re lacking boobage. Wear under a lace-up shirt, oversize sweater, or loose tank top after the gym. Screw black for a sec—you can literally never go wrong with red.
2. Dream Angels Chantilly Lace High-Neck Bra
This is kinda like a shirt, but more like a bra. It’s from the Porcelain Angel collection, which emphasizes baby blues and pristine whites, mixed with our go-to black traditional lingerie pieces. As advertised, this bralette is “made to be seen” since it’s full of intricate details like the lace that’s literally everywhere and feminine floral patterns. This is def worth buying because if you feel like taking a fashion risk, you can totes pair with high-waisted black jeans or a leather skirt for rocker vibes. It not only becomes a top, but a cute bra to feel v confident in.
3. Dream Angels Wicked Unlined Uplift Bra
A Winter’s Tale and Porcelain Angel basically share the same idea. White and blue are obvs cute together, and suddenly, you’ve become Frozen’s Queen Elsa in the sheets. For those who absolutely hate push-ups because like, ouch and boobs in the face, this unlined bra full of white lace still gets the job done without the padding. It’s a bit more comfortable, snug, and feels good wearing underneath all your shirts.
4. PINK Bling Lace-Up Hoodie
Cropped hoodies are very much a thing rn, so now’s a good time to jump in. This comes from PINK’s Millennial Nation collection, which sounds honestly both bitter and laughable. I can almost hear an angry grandpa yelling somewhere. This chic lace-up black hoodie is a serious upgrade to your attempts at calling your hangover sweats “street style.” It features a lace-up neckline in bright white, obnoxious bling on the back, and bedazzled red roses, just because let’s see how much PINK can fit on one piece of clothing. No, but really, it’s actually cute the more I look at it.
5. Very Sexy Shine Lace Unlined Balconet Bra
The Goddess collection is an ode to Ancient Greece, and quite frankly, puts your sorority’s toga mixer to goddamn shame. With our fave nudes, sky blues, and golden accents, the line brings in amazingly gorg lingerie. This shimmery blush balconet bra ensures your twins look as perfect as ever, without giving you too much coverage if you feel like showing some skin. It’ll def enhance your shape, cleavage, and bounce, but still feel as if you’re barely wearing a bra—all I ask for in this life of sin, basically.
6. Victoria’s Secret x Balmain Strappy Cheeky Panty
Obviously, the fucking best is saved for last. The highly anticipated collaboration clearly didn’t disappoint and is bound to sell tf out after its release, so you better act fast. Balmain’s Olivier Rousteing designed a super edgy, punk-esque lingerie collection that’s still incredibly sexy and girly at the same time. In the Punk Angels collection, models showed off a range of rock-n-roll-inspired pieces that consisted of red plaid, fishnet patterns, lacey black bralettes, and even grunge-y oversize graphic T-shirts. I am living for this matching set and IDEC if I wear it underneath my clothes only to be seen by no one, ever. JUDGE ME. The collection will hit online and stores Wednesday (as in today, people), starting at 10am.
