It’s no secret that celebrities think they “do life” better than the rest of us. Sure they’re rich and beautiful, but tbh, they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about. For instance, Gwyneth Paltrow tells girls to steam their vaginas and soak almonds in water for
torture a snack, and don’t even get me started on Jessica Alba and her “honest” baby products. Did Mekhi Phifer teach you how to make chemical free detergent on the set of Honey? Didn’t think so. Well now, Lindsay Lohan is getting on board.
LiLo first popped into our lives in The Parent Trap and was just an innocent little ginger, then a few years later she was fucking everywhere. Freaky Friday, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, and, of course, Mean Girls, and the world thought she was the next big thing. Well the world was wrong because she started hanging out with Paris Hilton, Brandon Davis called her a firecrotch LOL, and she started getting arrested on the daily. Cocaine, DUI, probation violations—you name it, Lohan did it (except murder… probably) and got caught like every single time. Idiot.
But in the last year, she got off probation, moved to London and got engaged to some Russian multimillionaire. You go, Glen Coco! And she recently revealed to Vanity Fair that she is writing a self-help book to help people overcome their obstacles.
JFC, are you serious? I can appreciate that you’re all enlightened now, Lindsay, but are you really in a position to start handing out advice? You were on probation for SEVEN YEARS because you literally couldn’t stop doing shit wrong, but now, after 14 months, you’re the next Oprah fucking Winfrey? Whatever, I’m probs buying it anyway. Maybe she’ll dish on the original girl squad, when they focused less on pillow fights and being “normal” (looking at you, TSwift) and more on, ya know, drugs and shit.