97. Lil’ Wayne

One of the worst parts of being a betch is the fact that we’re always bored and therefore need to be entertained constantly, usually by a combo of shit-talk texting and tweeting. Unfortunately when we’re driving texting is difficult and tweeting is nearly impossible. So what now? We blast music. But sometimes we get a little bored of the house music we’ve been pregaming to all weekend week, so we need an alternative. That’s why they invented rap.

Betches love rap music because we never get bored listening to the lyrics or trying to learn the words, and the one guy who we can trust to deliver quality rap is Lil Wayne.

Not only do betches find Weezy’s lyrics to be extremely witty as they often degrade women in a hysterical way, but we also find him so fucking sexy.

lil wayneMaybe it was the glasses

Ever see his interview with Katie Couric? Firstly, Katie was the one with the hard-on in this twosome and secondly, we have no doubt they fucked immediately after the cameras turned off. We don’t blame you Katie for not #8’ing, it’s Weezy’s irresistible bad boy allure.

Imagine how good his game must be. He appears like a sensitive guy with his tear drop tattoos but then says shit like “I get Head and Tail like a quarter…in that order.” It goes without saying that anyone who’s been arrested multiple times for possession of obscene quantities of marijuana and cocaine as well as multiple hand guns is not a fucking nice guy. Swoon.

We secretly think he might be British due to the fact that he had a dental procedure giving him 8 root canals at once. If not for the fact that he only has like 2 of his original teeth remaining we might even grant him ugly hot status.

There is nothing more appealing than a guy who knows he’s the absolute shit. He’s at the point in his career where he barely has to come up with clever lyrics to be featured in a song. It doesn’t even have to relate to what the song is about. For example, in All of the Lights he goes “I’m Young Money I’m cash money If we could buy time, I spend my last money.” And then says some shit about lights.

We can’t forget to mention that he like, invented one of our fav betches of the week, Nicki Minaj. We’d love to see these two get married. Their wedding would probably be on par with the Royal Wedding, except we’d see a lot more people dressing like sluts.

Our favorite quotes of his include:

“No I ain’t lookin’ down, but I see no one above me.”

“Swagger down pat, call my shit Patricia.”

“I love my baby mamas, they my highest honors.”

lil wayne

We also admire his creativity when it comes to naming his albums. Tha Carter … Tha Carter II… Tha Carter III…

Finally, we admire Lil Wayne’s plans to retire at the ripe age of 35 so he can be with the four kids he’s had since he was fifteen. Whatever, he wrote his first rap song when he was fucking 8 years old. It’s time. You can bet your ass he’ll be living our dream job of smoking pot all day and talking shit about other girls.

We’re not sure how he did it and we’re sure it wasn’t easy, but betches fucking love Weezy.

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