Kylie Jenner Wants You To Know She’s A Hardened Thug

In between filming her family’s reality show, running a successful lip kit empire, and taking regular trips to the plastic surgeon, Kylie Jenner wants you all to know that she still finds time to be a hardened criminal. Kylie announced her new line of lip glosses with a video depicting her involvement in said criminal activity, proving you really can have it all.

The video starts off predictably, with Kylie pulling up to a seedy-looking motel in her Rolls Royce, wearing a Louis Vuitton scarf tied like a du rag—presumably because there wasn’t enough time for her to get cornrows done—and lazily applying lip gloss. Inside, in what can only be described as a rich white person’s idea of where drug deals go down, a Kylie lookalike tries desperately to talk tough to the drug dealer character, who is definitely afraid of her Barbie-looking ass.

Back outside, Kylie fires off a final “Gametime” text to her friend, because a code word wouldn’t be obvious enough to the tweens watching, which predictably signals that shit is about to go down.

“I just like, really wanted people to know that yeah, I’m super rich, but there’s another side to me,” said Kylie. “Like, just because I got a Ferrari before I could even drive, and then crashed it and got another one immediately afterwards, doesn’t mean I don’t know how to trap—you can use trap as a verb, right?”

“I mean like, my face might say ‘privileged white girl,’” she continued, “but my iPod playlist totally says ‘hard-ass thug.’ But like, not hard enough that I actually do the crimes myself, because I’ve still got responsibilities, you know? That’s what I wanted to portray in this video.”

“I really did a lot of research to prepare for this role,” Kylie explains. “I watched, like, a ton of Future videos. And then “Bitch Better Have My Money.” And then I marathoned Breaking Bad.”

“I started to watch Noisey’s Atlanta docuseries, but it was like, too scary,” she added.

As for any future roles, Kylie is not sure what lies ahead, and is keeping her options open. “I would love to actually be in a Future video,” she gushes, “Or maybe even like a cameo in the next Barbershop movie.”

“My biggest goal,” Kylie said, leaning in, “is to be on the next season of Love & Hip Hop.”


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