Report: Kristin Cavallari Is Actively Trying To Murder Babies

Affable nitwit and natural brunette Kristin Cavallari is many things. Attractive. A seasoned hair extension saleswoman. What she isn’t, though, is a registered dietician or physician, which makes it a little odd that she takes it upon herself to mix her own baby formula. But hey, it’s just babies, right? They’re durable fuckers. Almond milk, champagne, cheetos—you can make anything into baby formula, if you get it wet enough. Anything except goat’s milk, it seems, which is apparently LETHAL to infants. Just ask People, who were forced to print a retraction after they published the recipe for “Kristin’s Baby Murderin’ Juice ™” last week.

Via RawStory:

People took down the article after many readers complained that goat’s milk is extremely dangerous for babies, reported the Friendly Atheist blog.

“Infants should be fed breast milk or iron-fortified infant formula, even in infant cereal,” warns American Academy of Pediatrics. “If infants are weaned from breast milk before age 12 months, they should be fed iron-fortified infant formula rather than cow’s milk. Cow’s milk, goat’s milk, and soy milk are not recommended during the first 12 months of life.”

And why shouldn’t infants be fed things like goat’s milk? Oh, just the risk of life-threatening conditions like “anaphylactic shock, hemolytic uremic syndrome and infections, as well as severe electrolyte abnormalities, metabolic acidosis, megaloblastic anemia and allergic reactions.”

If anyone’s looking for a babysitter, I bet Kristin Cavallari will do it for real cheap. Pros: If husband Jay Cutler is around, he may teach your baby to throw through triple coverage into a window the size of an iPad. Cons: Infanticide, exposure to dangerous, long-extinct diseases.


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