This week was the season 7 Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion, and your mom was right: You should’ve watched it with her. Kim “everybody loves a comeback story, especially starring me” Richards showed up like the girl who invites herself to brunch after crashing a party. Apart from the usual drama and bullshit that Kim brings with her wherever she goes, Kim dropped a bombshell when she revealed that she dated literal bombshell dropper Donald Trump back in the 1996, so like, we gotta ask…just how much was she drinking back then?
Other than admitting they had dinner and showing some photos of the worst couple that almost was, Kim wouldn’t give details. Which is such a Kim move, BTW. Show up, disrupt things, tell people you dated the President, refuse to answer any questions. It’s like, doesn’t she know that by not spilling the deets she’s literally just forcing people to imagine the two of them together, and that it’s literally horrifying? As per usual, Lisa Vanderpump was not the hero we need, but the one we deserve and asked if they had had sex or if Kim had seen him naked, but Kim didn’t bite. This marks the first time Kim hasn’t sold her soul for attention. Honestly, I’m starting to believe that Trump makes all his girlfriends sign an NDA or some shit because I cannot imagine that Kim wasn’t literally bursting to tell us all the horrific details, or to at least confirm the whole hand size/dick size debate. But maybe their breakup was the inspiration for her iconic “I’ve had enough of you, you beast” breakdown.
I just have so many questions. Is this real? If so, how far did it go? Why did they break up? I could literally see it being either party’s fault. Did Kim ever freak out and call Ivanka a slut pig? Kim said: “I don’t want to talk about the president.” Normally that’d be because she doesn’t keep up with the news. But tbh, does anybody other than CNN want to talk about the president? Even Melania probably changes the subject whenever he comes up. Kim should go ahead and update her opening tagline to “I’ve been rich and I’ve been famous, but pretending to have fucked the president beats them both.” Stay tuned until 4am, when the president inevitably drags Kim on Twitter.
Also, if this shit is true, then that means there is at least one alternate reality in which Kim Richards is our First Lady. Let that shit sink in.