Kids These Days Having Less Sex, Doing Less Drugs, Being Fucking Lame, Study Shows

90’s babies are the shit, we all know that. Unfortunately, the next decade of American teens are a bunch of fucking losers in comparison.

According to a study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, teens in the U.S. are having a lot less sex, drinking less, doing fewer drugs, and aren’t smoking as much as the teens a decade before them. Specifically, 41% of teens have had sex compared to 47% in the previous decade. Teens also have sex less frequently and with fewer partners.

On one hand, that’s fucking awesome because unwanted teen pregnancies and abortions are on the way down. But it also kind of sucks to be you, because, you know…sex. Also, 42% of teens play video games for more than three hours a day, so there go your potential fuck buddies.

The percentage of teens who had at least one alcoholic drink in the 30 days before the survey also dropped (from 35% to 32%), in addition to the percentage of teens who have ever tried alcohol (from 75% in 2007 to 63% in 2016).

Maybe sexting and sobriety are getting it done for you guys. Maybe house parties aren’t the cool thing to do anymore. Or maybe, you just haven’t realized how magical vodka cranberries can be.

Your loss.


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