Katy Perry’s New Song Officially The Worst Thing About The 2016 Olympics

I thought that Katy Perry peaked at the 2015 Superbowl Halftime Show and afterward we’d slowly see her fade to obscurity like Christina Aguilera. She’d still do public appearances and wear aggressive push-up bras, but at least we’d only hear her music on throwback playlists. I also thought that the Zika virus was the worst thing to threaten the 2016 Olympics. On both accounts I was very, very wrong.

Somehow the music gods decided that Katy should represent America at the Rio Olympics by performing the official song of Team USA. Land of the free to change the song, home of the brave athletes pretending this song isn’t soul-crushing.

The song is about “standing united against adversity.” So Katy Perry is a natural fit. Who better to sing about adversity than a white millionaire who was married to Russell Brand and has been feuding with Taylor Swift for years? But the most ridiculous part is that the song samples Maya Angelou’s poem “Still I Rise,” which is about defying racism and encouraging cultural pride. Seriously, could nobody in the studio do a quick Google search before recording??

If Left Shark doesn’t at least make one appearance at Rio after this nonsense, I will lose it. 


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