Report: The Kardashians Basically Don’t Eat

Khloé Kardashian revealed her sisters’ diets on her app yesterday (what a fucking snitch), and surprise: basically none of them eat. According to Total Sorority Move, who found the story from Buzzfeed, who probably found the story from some unpaid intern’s tweet or some 90s forum somehow, Khloé made a post called “My Sisters’ Diets Are Cray“. -1 for usage of “cray.” I bet Khloé still says “on fleek,” too. Also -10 for the fact that I have to pay to read this article. Hmm, why do I feel a vague sense of hypocrisy? IDK, weird.

Anyway, thankfully some dutiful Buzzfeed staffer broke down each of the Kardashian sisters’ diets, so you don’t have to pay whatever stupid amount Khloé is charging to find out. Take that, Kris! 

But first, I would like to comment on Buzzfeed being trifling af with this headline: “I Don’t Know Why Khloé Kardashian Shared What Her Sisters Eat Everyday, But She Did.” Uhm, really, you don’t know why? You don’t think it’s because people want to know that shit—because tons of people care about their fave celebrities’ diets—and therefore the article will be profitable? Kind of like how you’re writing an article about the very thing you “don’t know why” Khloé wrote about, right now? Okay, Buzzfeed. Sure.

So yeah, here’s what they eat. Or, more accurately, don’t.


Kim Kardashian pizza and chinese

Kim eats like a semi-normal person, I guess. Her diet involves “cutting out all sugar and carbs but it allows meat and dairy.” So like, meat and cheese and vegetables, I think. Is butter a carb?


Kourtney Kardashian drinking

The eldest Kardashian sister “only eats organic food and has pretty much convinced herself that she is allergic to dairy and gluten.” In case you needed further proof that Kourtney is every girl from your sorority.


Kylie Jenner Met Gala

Kylizzle (kill me now) “eats like a typical teenager but she’s also super aware of what she puts in her body when it comes to fresh and organic foods.” This managed to tell us…absolutely nothing. “Like a typical teenager” in what sense? Does Kylie, like, eat only organic candy and burgers? This doesn’t make any sense. 


Kendall Jenner

We all know for a fact that Kendall only eats air and the occasional $1 bill, because she has no use for those, but Khloé and her app would like us to believe Kendall “loves burgers and pizza and goes to In-N-Out all the time.” Yeah, no.

stop fucking lying


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