In case you’ve missed his fall into drug addict loser, Johnny Manziel is a fucking mess. He used to be a bro we admired, even earning the title of Betchy Athlete of the Week. But that was long ago, back in November of 2014, and Johnny has fallen a long way since then. For your reference, we’ve outlined the major steps in Johnny Fucking Football’s decline into loserhood.
August 2013: NCAA suspends Manziel for one half game for allegedly accepting money for autographs—a direct violation of the NCAA’s rules. Manziel gives no fucks, walks out during the second half and throws up the money sign.
May 2014: Johnny Manziel is drafted by the Cleveland Browns. Manziel, shocker, throws up the money sign again. Weirdo.
July 2014: Browns start to become “alarmed” by Johnny Fucking Football’s behavior, especially when a picture surfaces of him with a rolled-up $20 bill in a bathroom. Hmmm. Wonder what that’s for.
January 2015: Johnny goes off to rehab for undisclosed treatment.
April 2015: Johnny is out of rehab, goes straight to Vegas two weeks later. Does not pass go. Does not collect $200.
October 2015: Police pull over Johnny and girlfriend Colleen Crowley after multiple calls about their speeding vehicle. Colleen states that Johnny has been hitting her in the car to prevent her from leaving, then later retracts her statement.
January 2016: Big month for Johnny. He was pulled over for driving with expired tags on January 2nd, then headed off to Vegas the next day. This also happened to be a game day for the Cleveland Browns, so Johnny caused quite a stir when rumors started swirling that he played hooky to go to Vegas. Thus, the genius tried to throw off the haters by posting an Instagram of him and his dog with the caption #SaturdayNights and the geolocation of Avon, Ohio. Good one, Johnny.
Later that month, things take a dark fucking turn when police question Johnny for allegedly beating, restraining and kidnapping his girlfriend.
March 2016: The Cleveland Browns drop J Manz. He’s officially unemployed.
April 2016: Johnny Boy was a passenger in a hit-and-run accident, in which he and the driver ran from the scene of the crime. Manziel was not interviewed by LAPD. A few days later, an owner of a house in Los Angeles threatens to sue Manziel after he destroyed one of his rental properties. The owner alleges that Manziel left cocaine and shrooms around the house.
^Leftover shrooms or leftover pizza? You decide.
But there’s more! His new prominent NFL agent, Drew Rosenhaus, dropped Johnny Manziel as a client in light of Manziel’s troubling allegations and his refusal to go back to rehab. All of Manziel’s endorsement deals are also canceled.
Today: Johnny is unemployed, not represented, and single. What a fucking shitshow.