Alright, guys, enough is enough. It is finally time to address something that we, as a society, have been turning a blind eye to since 2013. It is time to take a stand. It is time to just come right out, and say it.
Jennifer Lawrence is falling down on purpose to make us love her.
I mean, she has to be, right? All the evidence is there. Who the fuck falls down, on camera, more than once? This bitch is an action star meaning that she is fully capable of, you know, action…
But yet here we are, and once again our beloved JLaw is making headlines for falling on her face in front of a shitload of cameras. This time, Jen took her OMG-I’m-So-Clumsy-I’m-Obviously-Not-Your-Typical-Movie-Star-Tour international by falling down, once again, on the red carpet for Madrid’s opening of Mocking Jay Part 2.
But before we talk about this latest incident, let’s take a walk down memory lane and remember all the great times Jennifer Lawrence has publicly, and adorably, taken a tumble.
First, of course, there was her spectacular fall on her way to accept the 2013 Best Actress Oscar. This was her first fall ever and we fucking loved it. Remember how young and naive we all were, sitting at home thinking, “That Jennifer Lawrence sure is cute! Oh my god she fell down! She’s clumsy! She’s like me! That Jennifer Lawrence is just like us!”
And who could forget Lawrence after the show, giving her Deschanel level adorable post-win interview? That was where she really “She’s so quirky!” we thought. “She’s so candid! Is there anyone in the world more genuine than Jennifer Lawrence! She falls down! She gets back up! WE FUCKING LOVE JENNIFER LAWRENCE!!”
Fast forward to exactly one year later— The Oscars, 2015. Some things are different. Some things are the same. Namely, Jennifer Lawrence, who FELL THE FUCK DOWN AGAIN. This time on the Red Carpet before the actual show.
Now, America, things are getting suspicious.
First of all, look how she falls. The only people who collapse to the ground that beautifully are Disney Princesses.
What’s that saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, and bitch you’re just falling down at the Oscars for fucking attention.
But okay, maybe she’s just excited. It was her first two Oscars. Her gown is pretty long. She had just debuted that new haircut. It is kind of hard to walk on carpet in heels. Okay. We’ll let fall two pass. But our eyes are on you now, Lawrence, and I don’t care how many f-bombs you drop in your interview. This behavior is officially noted.
Which brings us to 2015, and the Hunger Games’ Mocking Jack Part 2 premiere last Tuesday night.
Everything started out fine. The world waited with baited breath. Would 2015 be the year when Jennifer Lawrence made it through all her red carpet events without falling over?
Not if Jennifer Lawrence has anything to fucking do with it.
Three public falls in two years? Alright, Jen, I’m calling bullshit. If there’s one thing I know, it’s how to spot a betch doing stupid shit for attention. You’re not this clumsy. You’re not. You know how to walk in that dress. You know how to walk in those shoes. You know how to walk on a carpet. At this point, I’d even bet that you know how to walk up the stairs.
I have seen you climb trees, shoot arrows, and defeat the goddamn Capitol. I am 100% certain that you can handle walking upright in public.
So Jen, listen, it’s not cute anymore. It’s like, you know how we all have that one friend who acts drunker than they actually are for attention? And it was like, fine the first time she did it because it was her birthday and anything goes on your birthday but now it’s been like three years of her doing it and it is most certainly not her fucking birthday anymore and now it is exhausting to take her to the bar because you always end up having to “take care” of a person who isn’t even really that drunk in the first place so long story short she’s not invited to pregames anymore and (it goes without saying) can’t sit with us?
Yeah, that’s you now. Cut the shit. We know what’s going on here. We know what you want.
One more fall and you’re fucking done in this town.
(But like, you’re writing a buddy comedy with Amy Schumer right now so probably not…)