Considering my current state of singleness and the fact that I can’t go out at night without losing one of my major forms of identification or a credit card (or both), I don’t particularly spend a lot of time thinking about what I’ll be like when I’m married with kids (or rather, when my life’s officially over.) As cool as she is, I never had any teenage mom dreams à la Lorelai Gilmore, and the extent of my responsibilities seems to tap out just shy of blacking out every single night of the week #SorryNotSorry.
However, when I saw this video of Jennifer Garner doing a reading of Go the Fuck to Sleep, a “children’s” book by Adam Mansbach, I felt a kinship to Sydney Bristow I never thought I could. This is what I’ll be like as a parent and as betches, it’s what all of you will be like, too. It’s what every one of our mothers (nannies) was thinking when we wouldn’t shut the fuck up at night so they could go drink the rest of their bottle of chardonnay with exactly three ice cubes. Despite how often they danced in the aisle for you during your performance of “Jingle Bell Rock”, your mom had a lot on her plate, between doing lunch with her friends and yelling at your teacher any time you got a grade lower than a B because that’s just what #37 betchy moms do.
Watch below (most likely not NSFW):