Fuckboy Jay Z To Release A Response Album To ‘Lemonade’

If you haven’t listened to Lemonade yet, you’re literally a terrible person and we can’t with you. But, anyway, the whole album is just Beyoncé bitching out Jay Z for cheating on her. If you add some leotards and cinematography to the scene in Game of Thrones with the woman chanting “Shame” at Cersei, that’s pretty close to Lemonade.

Like any divorcing parents, Jay Z wants you to be on his side. He’s writing a song or album in response to Lemonade, because the best way to solve marital strife is by making money off of it. Here’s an idea: If Beyoncé and Jay Z filmed a session of couples therapy they’d make a couple million dollars and win an Oscar.

I’d also bet money that Jay Z and Beyoncé are playing all of us and making shit up about their marriage to get people to buy Tidal memberships. If I know anything about the Knowles-Carter family (see: Tina managing Destiny’s Child), they’re in it for the long con.

I’m not entirely sure how anything Jay Z writes could possibly top “Ashes to ashes, dust to side chicks,” but I’m excited to see him try.

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