In not-shocking-but-still-disappointing news,
I’ve gained 10 pounds since Thanksgiving Jax Taylor reportedly cheated on Brittany Cartwright. I’ll take this moment to pause while we all deal with our shock and awe. Psych! If you’re shocked that Jax would reportedly cheat on his girlfriend, I’ve got a bridge I’d like to sell you.
Here’s the juicy part, though: Jax reportedly cheated with another SURver and former Vanderpump Rules castmate. Remember Faith? Lala’s friend who, at one point, had like, silver hair I think? Me either, but it was supposedly her. PEOPLE reported that in a clip from the premiere, Faith claims she and Jax had sex. Or, more accurately, in the clip Tom Sandoval is seen telling the group that Faith told him that she and Jax had sex. He reportedly drops this bomb while they’re all out celebrating Scheana’s birthday. At this time I’d like to chime in with a haven’t you people ever heard of
closing the goddamn door doing things at the appropriate time and place so as not to ruin someone’s birthday, even if that someone is Scheana? No? Okay, I’ll just go fuck myself then. Mahalo.
I’m just saying, though, I’d get mad if someone’s relationship drama ruined my birthday. And no, I’m not secretly Stassi.
The news spreads around the party because duh, and Jax vehemently denies any wrongdoing to Kristen. Kristen doesn’t buy it. It seems like this whole Did-Jax-Cheat-Or-Didn’t-He (he did) might be the driving force of the whole season. And it sheds new light on this recent tweet from Kristen:
Okay, it seems pretty clear now that this is what Kristen was referring to. At the time, I was pretty perplexed—now I suspect that Kristen did some of her typical Doute digging and is going to expose Jax. Is she going to bring Faith into the restaurant while Jax is working and force him to confront her? Probably, yeah. That’s like, Kristen’s main move. Unless she steals Faith’s phone and texts Jax pretending to be her. What can I say, this girl’s got a lot of shady methods in her repertoire. I’m pretty excited that Crazy Kristen is back, and I can’t wait to find out the kind of shit she stirs up.
I kind of feel bad for Brittany, but I also don’t. Anyone with half a brain (so…not Brittany) who’s ever seen two seconds of any episode of Vanderpump Rules knows that cheating is Jax’s M.O. Also, she got free boobs and the IG handle @brittany out of this deal. I’m sure she’ll be just fine.
VPR premieres Monday, December 4th, and you best believe we’ll be recapping it.