The Iowa Caucus is in a little over a week, and everyone is fucking desperate. Get excited, because after next week, things should start to move quickly. Buckle up, it’s going to be a bumpy night.
UFC 191: HILLARY V. BERNIE
The Democrats had their fourth debate last Sunday, and it was super fun. Martin O’Malley was still there, but all eyes were on Hillary and Bernie, who are now closer than ever in the polls. Hillary’s nice-grandma attitude is finally gone, and she’s basically balls to the wall to get people not to vote for Bernie. They both traded barbs about each other and the Republicans, but at this point we’ll probably have to wait for Iowa to know where we really stand. Bernie also just put out this chilling ad with a little help from Simon & Garfunkel.
If a debate last week wasn’t enough, then it’s your lucky day. CNN announced this week that they’ll be holding a last-minute town hall debate in Iowa on Monday, January 25. This is super weird because the rest of the debates were announced months ago, but anything goes in an election year. Some people are suspicious that this a last effort by the DNC to boost Hillary’s numbers, but who really knows. More on this next week.
If you thought Sarah Palin was gone forever, you’re so wrong! This week, our favorite moose-hunting former Governor officially endorsed Donald Trump. This is basically as surprising as a couple from The Bachelor breaking up six months after the show ends. Lots of people love to make fun of Sarah, but tbh plenty of Republicans like her, and her endorsement could help Donald Trump win Iowa. We’ll support anything if it means we might get Tina back on SNL.
I’M NOT A BITCH, I TELL IT LIKE IT IS
Rand Paul is not doing well. He’s recently been polling at around 2.7%, which is roughly equivalent to getting only Montana to vote for you. Like, cool bro, but you’re not gonna win. Rand’s dad, former Presidential candidate Ron Paul, obviously sees this, and in an interview this week he said that it’s likely Donald Trump will be the GOP nominee this year. Ouch. We have a feeling dad and son might not be getting along too well right now.