How To Navigate The Ambiguous Date

Here’s a familiar situation every betch has been in. A bro asks you to hang out in a very casual, friendly way. You say, “sure!” and next thing you know you’re getting drinks after watching a movie (both of which he’s been paying for) and wonder “is this a date?” So you’ve landed yourself on an ambiguous date.

The universal answer to this question is always if you have to ask, it’s probably not. But just because you know this, doesn’t mean it’s not going to be awkward for both parties. Plus, the ambiguous date isn’t just an accident. Most of the time, it’s on purpose. Bros sometimes leave it ambiguous when they ask you to hang out because they want to date you but don’t know if you’d agree.  If you ever start getting mixed vibes during a one on one hangout, he’s probably testing the waters.

This is a classic example – you’re friends with a guy who texts you randomly that he’s got extra tickets to [insert concert, sports game, cool party] and asks if you would you want to come. All of a sudden you’re at some charity gala as his plus one and you realize you’re in too deep now.  You’ve been dancing with him all night because it felt like the polite thing to do, and now you’re dreading the moment he tries to kiss you goodnight  You realized much earlier on in the night that he meant to take you as a date, even though none of this had been communicated to you at all.  You wonder if you missed a cue somewhere. You didn’t.  If he didn’t ask you to be his date for the event, it’s because he was 90% sure you would have said no. Therefore, he actually meant to keep it ambiguous, in hopes that it would just turn into a date and you’d be charmed by him anyway.

Problem is, if he was charming in the first place he wouldn’t have left it ambiguous. The amateur mistake betches might make here is to go along with it until he makes a move. As in, oh shit, I think I’m on a date with this guy but if I tell him I’m not interested before he tries anything I’ll come off looking arrogant.  You wonder, what if I’m reading the signals wrong? But if you’re getting a strong date vibe halfway through the night, you’re not reading it wrong. And you should shut it down right away. If you don’t, you’ll find yourself in an even more awkward situation at the end of the night. 

How do you shut it down when he hasn’t technically tried anything? Because let’s be honest, it’s much worse to shut it down when he’s actually making a move.  Contrary to popular belief, you shouldn’t keep talking about the other guys you’re dating. It’s a mixed message because it implies you have dating on your mind – which might make him think you’re dropping hints. Suggest that you invite one of your mutual friends to wherever you’re hanging, if it’s applicable, and even if that person can’t make it, it’ll be clear it’s not a date. Nobody invites more people onto a date.

On the other hand, If you’re hanging out one on one and you get the date vibe and you’re actually kind of into it, then drop the subtlety and let him know. You can straight up tell him, “I didn’t think this was a date but it was so fun I kind of wish it was.”

Regardless of the situation, an ambiguous date shouldn’t actually be retroactively dubbed as a date.  If it turns out you both like each other, he should still ask you out on a proper date.


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