How To Pick A Major Like A Betch

Sadly, it’s almost back-to-school time for many a college-going betch.

For betches who know exactly what they want to do with their life, this article might not be for you. I want to talk to those incoming fresh-betches, sophomores, and a few juniors and seniors who are probably taking a fifth, sixth or seventh year at school since they have yet to pick a major.

Of course there’s no rush to decide what you’re going to pretend to do with your whole life (I guess pretending work in PR and then quitting because you marry someone rich isn’t a major. Stupid.), but some schools want you to declare sometime during your sophomore year.

Here’s what to consider when picking a field of study.

How much homework you want to have

This should be your number one deciding factor in picking a major. College isn’t about school, it’s about partying, looking hot and hooking up with really hot dudes before you get too old to do so and it’s considered sad.

That being said, you don’t want to choose a major that’s going to creep in on the time you want to spend doing fun things. That means most things that involve a lot of math, science or studying are out. Your safest bets are probably in the communications field or humanities. PR is a great choice, general communications degrees, possibly English if you want to have a really dope study abroad semester in England.

Who you want to date

PR and Comm majors are great, but a major issue there is that classes are filled with other betches who have the same life-plans you do. If you kind of want to break the mold and find a ton of dudes who you basically have all to yourself, consider careers in sports. Sports management, human physiology (so you can do sports physical therapy or something), and sports broadcasting.

Other majors stacked with dudes are engineering, business, anything math or computer related, and sometimes history. All these things include lots of homework so be forewarned about the trade-offs. Still, your study groups will be mostly all guys and you can basically corner the market on being the only hot girl they know.

How much money you want to make

If you want to be a loaded betch who don’t need no man, I suggest heading to the business school. Totally pass on marketing and human resources, you’ll probably never get a job and there are already a bunch of women in those departments, unless you’re not planning on needing a job, then do whatever you want. Finance and, if you’re strangely good at math, accounting are probably your safest bets to make a ton of money and be surrounded by hot pros.

Even though the culture in those majors is totally fit for a betch, remember, you’re going to have to put in a lot of effort and probably do some homework in order to be successful there. I guess pre-med majors such as bio and chem will also set you on track to making bank, or at least fulfilling your Grey’s Anatomy fantasies.

How cute you want to dress

Doctors, nurses and people working in labs don’t get to dress very cute, probably something about safety and flammability and the need to wear really ugly shoes. So if you want a job in a field where you can dress super cute every day, think about what you’ll be doing. If you want to wear heels, a major that will land you a desk job is where it’s at. Even news reporters and teachers have to resort to flats sometimes since they’re on their feet a lot. Gross. 

Picking a major that will prepare you for law school might be a nice choice, but your future work suits will have to be more conservative, muted, and super professional. Business is mostly the same, there’s a little more wiggle room depending on where you land a job. The safest bet here takes us full-circle. We’re back in the humanities for ultimate cute outfit possibilities.

Whatever you pick, don’t stress too much about it. Things come so naturally for a betch, the perfect major will probably fall right into your lap. Eat, drink, sleep with hot bros and be merry, because in four short years it’ll be all over and you’ll wish your biggest problem was picking a major. Good luck on your first day, betches.


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