The best hungover scenario involves two things: a) remaining horizontal and/or in a fetal position until approximately 7:30 pm and b) watching reruns of #73 Gossip Girl while making your
slave delivery guy bring you food. Unfortunately, this can't always be your hangover trajectory. Because you spend more of your life hungover than not, it only makes sense that other obligations (like work, lol) will get in the way of you living your horizontal, Gossip Girl truth. But the only thing worse than assimilating into a functioning member of society when you just threw up in your mouth like 5 minutes ago, is having people see you at rock bottom. That's why it's really important you put effort into your hungover appearance. However, no need to do anything drastic like stop drinking on weekdays or something, because there are steps you can take to trick people into thinking you were sobez the night before and/or really have your shit together.
When you get home…
1. Take off your makeup. Unless you have alcohol poisoning (which we don’t recommend), there’s no reason for you to not take off your makeup. Buy some makeup remover wipes and keep them by your bed in an effort to move your body as little as possible.
2. Use a moisturizing serum. Alcohol is dehydrating, which means that your skin is probably thirstier than the girl at the bar who kept trying to interrupt you and the bro you were flirting with.
3. Speaking of thirst, drink at least one full glass of water to make sure you look fab and well rested in the morning, as opposed to red and ruddy.
4. Sleep with your head slightly elevated to reduce puffiness.
In the morning…
1. If it looks like you have two black eyes in the morning, don't freak out. Place cool tea bags over you eyes for 10-15 minutes and watch them magically become socially acceptable.
2. Then, use an eye cream with caffeine to wake those bad boys up, while you inject coffee intravenously to wake the rest of yourself up.
3. Also, take an Advil (obvi you'll need one for your impending headache, but ibuprofen actually helps reduce swelling in your face, too, so it's a total win-win.)
1. Use under eye concealers with yellow undertones to combat any signs of fatigue/signs of 25 vodka crans the night prior.
2. Line the inside rim of your eyes with a nude liner and pop highlighter on the inner corners of your eyes in an effort to not look dead.
3. Finally, wear a bright lip color to distract from the fact that you're basically not a person right now.