How To Negotiate Like A Betch

Though it’s betchy to not do work, it’s not betchy to not have a job. Not doing work means you’re winning so hard at your job that everything is easy for you. In order to get to this point, you need to negotiate your salary like a betch.

Some people will argue that women don’t get paid as much as men because they don’t ask for it, but we find this ironic because they’re the same people that also argue that women are “asking for it” when it comes to other shit going down. Anyways, point being, you always negotiate your salary.

The thing to remember when it comes to negotiating is that you are asking for what you deserve. Would you settle for a boyfriend you didn’t like just because he liked you? Obviously not. But when it comes to money, we get weird about asking for more. You’ve been taught that it’s not betchy to talk about money, but the one exception is negotiating.

You’re priceless, but your company is still trying to put a price on you. So make that as high as possible. Remember that you are bringing value to the company. Also, when you’re negotiating, always remember
that they already offered you the job. The worst that can happen is they’ll say they can’t go as high as you’d like, but they’ll never take back an offer. You’re not trying to get them to say yes to you, because they already did.

Negotiating is a lot like texting.  Say what you want to say with the least words possible. Sometimes you have to wait it out. Never double text. It obviously depends on your job and the company, but generally speaking you should start by asking for $10,000 more than what you’re offered. That’s because they’re not going to go higher than what you asked for, so you should ask for more than you need. Chances are they’ll throw at least $5,000 more in the mix, but if you start any lower that number goes down too.

Never seem desperate. You’re not in a rush to start working just like when you’re dating a bro and it’s going well, you’re not in a rush to lock things down. He’s the one that wants to be exclusive. In the same way, once you suggest your counter salary, give them time to think about it. If they say no, don’t freak out. Most likely, they will say no at first. Tell them that’s too bad because you were really starting to like them, then give them a few days to think about it. You know how after you stop texting a bro who can’t commit, he’ll always text back within a week saying he misses you? That bro is your company, and as the days go by and the position remains unfilled, they’ll inevitably reach out and either agree to your demands or offer you a much better package than they originally did.

The nicegirl mistake in negotiating is to be afraid to piss off the company that wants to hire you. You know how people say there are plenty of fish in the sea? Well you’re a great white shark and there’s only one of you. Meanwhile, you’re loving the sea, so you’re not in a rush to get on the boat. Just think about it this way, if a company gets pissed off because you negotiated for what you’re worth, that’s not a company that was going to value you anyway.

If going higher in your salary isn’t an option, ask for other shit. You know how you get free shit at coffee shops and bars for seemingly no reason all the time? It’s not for no reason. It’s because people recognize you as a superior human, and companies are the same way. If you didn’t go through an agency, you can ask for a sign-on bonus, since most companies set aside recruiting fee for head hunters. When a company hires a new person they have expenses built in like relocatingfees, interview expenses, travel and entertainment etc. So it’s pretty easy to get a bonus if you just ask for it.

The best part of negotiating is that the harder you make it for them to hire you, the harder it is for them to fire you. Much like dating, the harder a guy tries to date you, the more he’ll appreciate you when you’re actually dating. So go run the world like a betch.


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