How To Make Everyone Jealous Of Your Food Instas

If you’re a betch, you only eat when necessary. Further, you only eat heavy shit like pizza, burgers, buerre blanc anything or even fucking pasta when the Instagram will have more likes than Kim K’s bubble butt. However, to ensure that you reach an unreal amount of likes and ensuing jealousy based on your food insta, there are a few rules to follow.

Natural light:

If you know anything about photography, you know that natural light is king. Flash tends to over expose and wash your pics out, so always opt for natural lighting and eat on the fucking patio.
Don’t photograph monotone food: You want your colors to contrast – think of that pepperoni pie slice next to a scattering of fresh basil or a Thai green curry stew with an artful swish of sriracha – you know, artsy shit. But don’t mix too many colors or else it’ll look like a fucking preschool finger painting.

Don’t filter the shit out of it:

Filters are great on selfies, but not so much on food. Instead of applying two or three filters, manually play with color levels, saturation, and warmth first to try to get the look you want. You want it to look realistic, not like Van Gogh’s breakfast dream.

Shoot on a plain background:

This should be fairly easy if you’re plating food yourself – think white plates with colorful food. If you’re out, make sure the tablecloth is white or a solid color, so as to not distract from your fucking amazing dish.

Use Your phone's camera THEN upload to Insta:

There’s a rumor that the camera on your iPhone is actually better than the Insta app camera; but, regardless, doing shit this way allows you to play and edit later rather than racing through to upload the perfect #eatingfortheinsta before your food gets cold.


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