How To Handle A Public Fight

There’s nothing more satisfying than watching a couple fight in public. Maybe it’s that we all relate on some level to their misguided words, but we can’t help but look when shit starts to go down. But when you’re on the other side of this public spectacle, entertainment is far from your mind.  Look, we’ve all seen Real Housewives, okay? Sure we’re classy and graceful 98% of the time, but we lose our temper too.

So what happens when a bro or bestie is out of line and you find yourself having a hissy fit in public? Stay calm, you got this girl. Nobody messes with a betch.

The thing about having a fight in public is that nobody ever comes off looking good. In private, you’re at least cataloguing your side of the story very carefully, knowing that your friends will back you up when you vent to them later. In public, however, both of you look like terrible people. Before you scream, “Did you fuck Lindsay” at him, remember that everything you say can and probably will be live tweeted by drunk hipsters.

If you’re fighting with a bro and he’s being a douche (very likely), your best bet is to walk away.  He’s not going to like that, but his last memory of you won’t be of you yelling in a jealous rage.  You’ll both calm down and avoid being reality show fodder for all of the East Village. 

If you’re fighting with your bestie, then walking away is not your best option. This is when your passive aggressive powers of conversation come in handy. Keep it under icy lock until you’re out of the public eye and then one of you is inevitably going to break that ice with, “What’s your problem?” and you’ll launch into whatever is pissing you both off. 

The key to a public fight is to not do it. It might feel like making a scene is the right thing to do (it isn’t) because you want a witness. But as rude as a bro or bestie is being to you in public, you still come off as an idiot for dating him/being friends with her. The only person that looks good in a public fight is the one that’s Instagramming it with a witty caption, and the last thing you want to do is go viral in a cat fight.


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