You all watched it. You know what happened. All I have to say is, if Connor doesn’t go full fucking Liam Neeson to save Oliver, I will. You reading this, Shonda? I have a very particular set of skills. A set of skills that makes me a nightmare for someone like you. Those skills are writing inappropriate things about your TV shows and guzzling wine, but I will somehow adapt them to my cause.
The Hapstall Mansion
It is now only four days until Annalise’s shootings and these flashes to the present are getting more and more erratic. Connor and Michaela are seen trying to flee the mansion, but only one of them is as distraught as the situation calls for.
Michaela: What’s wrong?
Connor: Oh I don’t know, maybe something to do with this being the SECOND MURDER we’ve been party to in the past six months??
Wes and Laurel see them leave and Wes is like “Uh uh, I’ma stop ‘em,” while holding a gun in his hand. It would appear that in the four days from this episode to the shooting of Annalise, Wes makes the transformation to full Rambo.
Wes and Michaela make it outside but stop when Wes and Laurel call to them from the balcony. They pause to look up just as ADA Sinclair’s body comes flying down from the skies (insert your Icarus parallels here), making a particularly unfortunate sound as it crashes into the no doubt incredibly expensive marble patio. The camera pans above Wes and Michaela to Bonnie, who is on an even higher patio and looking even more unhinged than usual.
Annalise’s client this week is a special breed of crazy: a delusional man named Dale who has been borderline stalking his ex-wife, Susan. Her current husband killed himself and Susan claims it’s because Dale drove him to it. Dale is wholly unconcerned by these accusations, and instead spends the entirety of their plea deal meeting talking about the shade of blue she wore on their first date. I don’t care if he did it, lock this man up ASAP.
Thanks to Laurel once again putting 100% of the team on her back, they eventually finds out that Susan was actually sleeping with the ADA on her case, because apparently all district attorney’s are giant pieces of shit. Susan and her lawyer’s affair is what really drove her husband to suicide and they are attempting to pin it on Dale. To be fair, Dale is not even trying to appear sane, so he’s a pretty solid target as far as scapegoats go. He is acquitted of the crime, but not of being a certifiable psycho
Frank and Laurel are, once again, hooking up at Annalise’s and not even bothering to be subtle about it. Let she who has not repeatedly and openly had sex in her boss’ office/home throw the first stone, okay? Annalise walks in on their encounter and eyes them with what I perceived to be begrudging approval, because she too wishes she was having an illicit relationship with a law student.
In some weird crusade against Laurel for having a happy sex life, Annalise spends the entire episode baiting her into doing work and accusing her of being a worthless ditz who has to rely on men to save her anytime she doesn’t succeed. Its seems like some double standard bullshit, but it works because Laurel comes in clutch multiple times throughout the episode and ends up being the reason they win the case.
She so much as says this to Annalise who, as per usual, turns her shitty behavior into a teaching opportunity. She tells Laurel that the reason Annalise was so hard on her is because she knows she is the one who puts the team on her back about 95% of the time, and that getting ignored for the majority of the show is Annalise’s way of showing that she trusts Laurel. I’ve already read two other reviews that use this opportunity to label Laurel as a trophy-craving millennial who needs constant validation in order to function. I saw it as the triumphant moment that a once timid girl finally stood up and realized she fucking deserved better.
Speaking of precious angels finally coming into their own, this episode featured a never before seen Oliver: one who lives on the wild side and tells Connor to stop being such a little bitch.
In the bromance that I didn’t know I needed until it existed, Frank recruits Oliver to join the legal team as their very own official hacker. You know, like all law offices have. Literally everyone is on board for this plan except Connor, who spends the entire episode pouting over having to share his boyfriend.
To be fair, Connor’s concern is genuinely well-placed. People associated with Annalise do have a tendency to either die or end up entangled in sordid murder plots. But Oliver is having too much fun playing super sleuth, going so far as to catfish the mystery murder cousin that the team is trying to prove killed the Hapstalls. This would be a brilliant plan if we didn’t recall for a moment that this guy knows who Oliver and Connor are because he was WATCHING THEM VIA WEB CAM.
Connor throws a fit when Oliver volunteers to go on the fake date and Connor ever so chivalrously volunteers. Maybe “volunteers” is a strong word since Oliver used Connor’s photo to begin with, but we’ll let him have it. Frank and Michaela are fully on board with this plan, another strange pairing which I am absolutely loving.
Laurel blows the whistle on the entire operation by tattling to Annalise, who calls Frank and tells him to shut it down. No big deal, the suspect didn’t even show, leaving Connor sitting in a café by himself. All’s well that ends well, right? WRONG. SO FUCKING WRONG.
Human ray of sunshine Oliver is minding his own business, carrying home some groceries and singing Asher’s shitty rap song in his apartment by himself when the murderous cousin appears. Oliver drops a gallon of milk, and all of us cry because if a single hair on this angel’s head is harmed I am starting a revolution.
Wes spends almost the entire episode agonizing over a gun that Levi left in his apartment. Will he use it? Won’t he? The answer is probably yes, as it is the same gun he is seen cradling four days from now at the Hapstall mansion. As long as he continues to dwell on it while walking around his apartment shirtless, I will watch.
Wes gets booted from Dale’s case because not one of these incredibly intelligent students can pick up on the very blatant social cues that Wes gets uncomfortable and defensive when suicide is brought up. Annalise instead assigns him to spy on Nate’s case to make sure Eve is doing her job. Classic.
Eve catches onto this plan in a hot sec, probably because someone who looks like Wes does not go unnoticed no matter your sexual orientation. She confronts him about it and they proceed to have a conversation that has been making frequent appearance this season, which is always something along the lines of “why the fuck are we all letting this single woman govern our entire lives?”
Wes: I’m living a nightmare
Asher & Bon Bon
Bonnie confronts Asher about Trotter Lake, and it is not a pleasant interaction. Asher claims that he had nothing to do with the gang rape, but was blamed because it happened at his party. Bonnie isn’t having any of that tired excuse, but in this moment I am sympathetic with Asher. Rare, I know, but bear with this completely hypothetical situation I’m about to go on a tangent about.
Sometimes you have a party at your house and terrible things happen that you have zero control over. Someone may, for example, shit in a paper bag and then hide it in the back of your roommate’s closet only to be found a week later after it topples to the floor and bursts open. Is it your fault? No, it absolutely is not. But apparently the rule stands: your party, your anonymous bag of shit. Sorry, Asher. This is the way the world works
Asher spends the episode trying to convince Bonnie that he was sorry and completely uninvolved in what happened to poor, poor Tiffany. She basically yells “CHECK YOUR PRIVELEGE, YOU WHITE FUCK,” and then storms away. He finally corners her at her apartment, and then in true Asher fashion sticks his foot a mile down his mouth when he lets her know that he totally understands why this is her “thing.”
Bonnie instantly realizes that Annalise must have told Asher about her childhood and the fire that rages behind her eyes at that moment rivals my own mother’s. At this rate, I’m thinking that Wes and Bonnie will actually have to rock, paper, scissors for who gets to shoot Annalise.
The Ultimate Love Triangle
Nate is being accused of another murder. You know, just your casual Thursday. What’s different this time is that he actually did it. ADA Sinclair, who I am pretty sure spends her downtime surfing the police blotter for crimes she can connect to Annalise, brings him into court for a hearing to decide whether or not his deceased wife’s blood she be tested for drugs.
Frank is nervous because he suddenly remembers that time he gave Annalise a container of deadly barbiturates for “no reason.” He asks her if he needs to be “protecting” them, and she tells him the only way to protect them now is by killing Emily Sinclair. You think Annalise would know not to make idle threats about murder in front of Frank. It’s like dangling a deep fried twinkie in front of a middle-American.
Annalise, Nate and Eve get together to discuss how they’re going to get around Nate’s most recent murder accusation and pretend to ignore all the sexual tension in the room. Eve tells Annalise that she’ll handle it, but in the meantime she and Nate can have zero interaction.
These rules clearly do not apply to Eve and Annalise, who have multiple liaisons throughout the episode, culminating in a sexy hotel date complete with champagne. Some highly incriminating pillow talk ensues, and I’ve taken the liberty of pulling some choice quotes for you all.
– “I’m glad Nate murdered his wife, because it means I get to see you.” Yeah thanks for taking one for the team Nia. Ultimate wing woman.
– After discussing how expensive it would be to abandon their lives and move to Paris: “Don’t worry, I have Sam Keating money,” followed by light-hearted laughter as both women reflect on the murder and cover up of Annalise’s husband.
At some point Eve broaches the topic of Wes. It’s about fucking time someone said something.
Eve: So about Wes-
Annalise: I’M NOT SLEEPING WITH HIM
Eve: Uh, no one said that
She may not be sleeping with Wes, but she is connected to him in one other very intimate way. Annalise turns to Eve and says “it’s him,” and Eve gets all emotional and tells Annalise how good of a person she is. Uh, okay. Unpopular opinion: party of one.
What I found to be incredibly obvious during this scene but apparently some people are arguing: Annalise is totally Wes’ birth mother, which means Wes officially has the single worst mom luck of all time. This poor, unfortunate child has a Rockefeller level monopoly on mommy issues.
Bonnie vs. Annalise
Sex rumpled and giggly, straight from her romantic date with Eve, Annalise comes home to a certifiably drunk and angry Bonnie. For once I am 100% team Bon Bon, because revealing that someone was molested as a child to her boyfriend just to convince him to not testify against your law team is a level of fucked that I thought even Annalise was above.
Actual transcript of the conversation:
“Jesus Christ Bonnie, I told one person about your childhood trauma. I really think you’re overreacting.”
Instead of doing something rational like apologizing to Bonnie for outing her deepest darkest secret, Annalise takes a refreshing approach to sincere remorse by blaming Bonnie for essentially forcing her hand. There were about 100 more acceptable ways for Annalise to approach that conversation and yet she went with victim shaming. Chill.
A lot of screaming happens and Annalise pulls the “I was also molested” card, which is almost more offensive than not apologizing at all. No one likes a one-upper Annalise. Guess what? We all know you were also abused as a child. You know who doesn’t know? The entire cast of this show. You know why? Because Bonnie kept her fucking mouth shut.
I was pretty sure this altercation was going to end with a shattered fifth of vodka to the jugular, but Bonnie actually exceeded my expectations. In the creepy calm anger usually reserved for Wes, Bonnie turns to Annalise and straight up says “I want you to die.” Fuck Bon Bon, subtlety isn’t your thing I guess.
There’s only one episode left before the winter finale, and I know that not one of the thousand questions I have will be answered until the last 4 minutes of the final episode. See you next week, for what I’m hoping will be a 40 minute condensed remake of Rambo, starring Connor Walsh.