In this week’s installment of Shonda Rhimes induced anxiety: Asher is an idiot, Frank makes a stand, more people are dead, and Bonnie gets shit on for 42 straight minutes. Let’s dive in.
Back to the murder twins’ mansion, two months from now. Wes, who we last saw sprinting from the building after Annalise was shot, is actually running out to meet Laurel and Mikayla on the edge of the woods. Shocker, the whole gang is present for another fucking felony. Inside, Connor is applying pressure to Annalise’s wound while blaming her for literally everything that’s gone wrong. Honestly, it’s a valid argument.
CONNOR & OLIVER
In an effort to cover up the fact that Team Murder was once again loudly discussing the crime they committed while at the scene of said crime/their bosses home/their place of work, Connor throws Oliver under the bus and tells Asher (and everyone else present) that he’s HIV positive. With all the tact that you would expect from the guy who introduces himself as the “100% straight bro who’s totally cool with the gay thing,” Asher brings up the HIV within 30 seconds of meeting Oliver. It was about as cringe-worthy as watching your uber conservative dad try and find common ground with your flamboyantly gay uncle at Thanksgiving, but without the added benefit of bottomless mimosas to ease the secondhand discomfort.
(Note to self: introduce bottomless mimosas to TGIT)
Weirdly enough, Oliver is super pissed that Connor shared his deepest, darkest secret with some blue blood fuckboy. He spends the rest of the episode being angry and putting Connor in his place, something he manages to do while still retaining the overall aura of a sleepy puppy.
Finally Connor decides the only way to even the playing field is to let Oliver hurt him back by telling him how he got HIV. I know that when I’m in a significant argument with my boyfriend I like to introduce additional debilitating information to diffuse the situation. Conflict management 101.
It turns out that Connor got HIV in the saddest, most cliché way possible. Devastated and heartbroken after Conner was caught rim jobbing some other guy on tape, Oliver went out on the town, blacked out, and hooked up with a stranger. Viewers across the country took a single moment to thank God that they too don’t have HIV after countless similar nights.
What Conner (and a protective/wine drunk me) instantly drew from this story is that it’s all his fault that Oliver has HIV. Cue six more weeks of brooding until we find out how Oliver really got infected, because his admission didn’t ring completely true. Or this show has just taught me to trust nothing unless it’s revealed in the last 15 seconds of the episode. Either way, I call bullshit.
LAUREL & FRANK
Laurel aces a test and decides the best way to celebrate is to head straight to Frank’s house for what I can only imagine is some very weird, murdery vibe sex. Frank takes this moment to turn into an independent woman and basically tell Laurel that she’s going to have to buy the cow is she wants any more of his sweet, bearded milk. What he actually says is “If you’re interested in me, get to know me,” and I actually gagged. Like, being interested in you and being interested in your dick are two vastly different things, something that you would think
the guy who goes through law students like I go through Toasted Graham Lattes would have figured out by now. Perhaps the stress of multiple illegal murders is forcing Frank to develop real life, human emotions. Gross.
Last week Mikayla got drunk at an underground rave with her boss and murder accomplices and decided to text 911 Eggs. This week, a hot af stranger approaches her in the courthouse, and not one single “DANGER” alarm went off in her tiny, constantly tense body. She spends most of the episode looking at her phone with a mixture of fear and regret, classic symptoms of a drunk text aftermath, and yet doesn’t find it at all suspicious that some not-gay stranger would hit on her at her place of work. Excited to watch this inevitably life-threatening relationship develop.
Wes took a bit of a backseat this episode as he is still mourning the loss of his girlfriend that almost ruined his entire life. He gets to do what he does best: play the unassuming puppy in order to manipulate a vulnerable female accused of murder. What’s different about it this time around is that he is seeming to enjoy his role in the Annalise Keating Mind Fuck approach to the law. When Laurel congratulates him on the puppy routine working he gives her a eerie blank stare replying “it always works.” Like shit, calm down Dean Thomas, you’ve already murdered someone. No need to start intimidating people now.
ANNALISE VS. BONNIE
Here is a breakdown of every interaction between Bonnie and Annalise this episode:
Wes: I killed someone and it was your husband
Annalise: That’s chill we can fix it
Bonnie: I, too, killed someone because I thought I was helping
Annalise: New phone, who dis
TBT to the time that Annalise calmly asked Frank if he killed Rebecca the same way you ask someone what they did over the weekend. But Frank is a shady hitman and Bonnie is Paris Gellar after one too many Xanax overdoses, so obviously they can’t be held to the same standards. Nonetheless, even I was shocked (read: gleeful) when Annalise dead ass threatened to kill Bonnie if she continued to fuck up. These are not idle threats; people are killed for less on this show. If Bonnie isn’t driven to suicide by the end of this season, I would not be surprised if Annalise straight up ripped her heart out Mortal Kombat style and then ate it in a courtroom just to assert her dominance, after which she would probably win her case, because it’s Annalise’s world and we’re all just trying to not get arrested in it.
FREE AT LAST
Eve may have agreed to take on Nate’s case, but it would appear she did not agree to put up with Annalise’s shit. She is the only person on this show (and possible the planet) who is willing to stand up to Annalise, and shockingly enough she usually comes out on top. Literally. They keep having angry sex and not being that subtle about it, despite the fact that they denied to any kind of relationship in court in order to deny collusion accusations.
Speaking of court, fuck this ADA. I haven’t disliked a character this much since Rebecca was alive. She spends the entirety of Nate’s preliminary hearing slut-shaming Annalise in an attempt to prove that she killed Sam. In case you haven’t been paying close attention/are too drunk by this point of the night to pick up on it, this is the same woman who has been blackmailing Asher into spying on Annalise, which is how she knew that her relationship with Eve was more than the innocent former classmates that they claim to be. Side note: maybe if you’re going to deny knowing each other on record in court, you should avoid eye fucking each other during a cross-examination. I didn’t go to law school, but it seems like a safe bet.
It would appear that the judge was just as annoyed with these bullshit proceedings as the rest of us, because she ruled that DA’s scheme of trying to make Nate look guilty while accusing Annalise of murder was not the most effective approach to winning a case. Nate was ruled innocent, or at least innocent enough, and he is finally free to go. One would assume that he would be on the first train out of this clusterfuck of a town, but instead he spies on Annalise and Eve’s secret relationship. Have you learned nothing, Nate?
If you spent the entire episode thinking “Holy shit, when will someone murder this bitch,” you are in luck because the ending flashback shows a very dead ADA Sinclair on the grounds of the murder twins’ mansion. Unfortunately, we will have to put up with her until then, because she’s the new prosecutor on the Hapstead trial, which means two more months of that horrifically shrill voice.
Speaking of the Hapstead Trial, the newest development to this case is that the aunt, and sole witness to the original crime, was murdered in her car. The twins claim they were both at home all night, which is a bold-faced lie because the brother went on a run conveniently around the time someone was slashing his aunt’s throat. The sister is caught in her lie during Wes’ puppy routine when he reveals that her brother’s DNA was found at the scene of the crime.
In a classic case of Oliver hacking into secure government databases, we discover that the police planted the DNA n the car and tried to cover it up. By now everyone should probably just assume that Annalise will uncover your trickery no matter what, and people should also being to question the morality of the Philadelphia PD. The twins are cleared of their aunt’s murder, but still remain on trial for the death of their parents.
Back at murder mansion, Wes, Mikayla and Laurel are trying to convince Conner to abandon Annalise’s body, because in case it wasn’t obvious
by this point this firm is governed by a strict “every many for himself,” policy. Conner, despite his on-going admonishments towards Annalise,
is having a hard time leaving her side. Eventually, they drop a collective “fuck it” and sprint out of the house, past the super dead
body of ADA Sinclair.
Who shot Annalise? My money is on a lovesick Eve. Who threw ADA Sinclair off a balcony? Hopefully it was a full-cast effort. Can’t wait for next week to reveal who else is dead inside that mansion.