The title of this episode is “Meet Bonnie” and I’m instantly disinterested.* Alas, for the loyal six readers I’ve accumulated, I will trudge through the mundanity and produce an acerbic recap with probably only like six typos. You’re welcome, betches.
*Editor’s Note Post Viewing of Episode: My bad, Bonnie.
THE NIGHT OF MANY MURDERS
A new player appears in the night of Annalise’s attempted murder: Bonnie, seen sprinting out of the incest twin mansion. She runs straight to a car where Asher is waiting, looking a lot like the way I did after I was tricked into watching the cake farts video back in high school. That is to say, fucking traumatized.
THREE WEEKS BEFORE
The episode picks up right where last week left off: Bonnie telling Asher that she killed Sam. Say what you will about Bonnie (and I have said a lot) but she deserves an Oscar for her performance in the one woman play, “Guess Who Murdered Sam…Spoiler Alert It Was Me.” Straight to DVD production, but impressive nonetheless.
She, very believably, explains that she killed Sam because he tried to rape her, at which point Asher would be an absolute dick to argue. Her water works were impressive enough to convince him not to testify against Annalise, who SHOCKER is pissed that Bonnie literally admitted to a murder she didn’t commit for her. Remember those bitch ass girls who got Range Rovers on My Super Sweet Sixteen but then threw a fit and literally smacked their parents because the paint was supposed to be matte or some stupid shit? Annalise.
Annalise: Nothing you say will make me not hate you right now.
Bonnie: What about that part where I said I murdered someone to save you from jail?
Annalise: ESPECIALLY THAT
Down the hall, Wes, Laurel, Michaela and Connor are eavesdropping on the drama, wondering whose murder they’ll have to cover up next.
Connor, who is the only one of the Keating 5 who has come to terms with how completely powerless he is, has lost every single last one of his fucks to give and it is inspiring to watch. I would compare him to that point during your senior year of college when you start to believe you’re invincible, not because of the hubris of youth or anything as ill-conceived as that, but because in the post-haze of a week long bender, you have realized that time is a social construct and we’re all going to die anyway, so you might as well show up to chapter drunk for the rest of the year. You know.
Asher comes striding in, guns blazing, ready to defend his woman. He threatens to hurt Frank if he doesn’t get out of the way, which is something I would pay real life money to see.
For the first time in his life, a room full of people are taking Asher seriously. He demands an audience alone with Annalise and actually gets it. However it’s only about ten seconds into his self-righteous tirade before Annalise shuts him down with his own white male privilege as her weapon. The tables have turned and it’s a beautiful thing to behold.
Asher is many things: a douchebag, a privileged shit head, the epitome of every frat bro stereotype rolled into a single ball of putrid depravity, but a liar he is not. His ethics are severely compromised in the moment where Annalise gives him his two options: testify or lie. He runs straight to Sinclair and declares that he knows who killed Sam, but he refuses to tell her until he can negotiate a new immunity deal.
In the long list of what viewers of this show deem shady but are probably just in the eyes of the law, Sinclair is fucking Annalise over, yet again. She has video testimony of the murder twins aunt, obviously taken before her throat was slashed in her car. This proves to be an issue, because it’s not like Annalise can cross-examine a dead woman. Or so she claims. Honestly, at this point I wouldn’t even be surprised if she somehow managed it.
Back at the office, the merry crew of murder accomplices are once again discussing lewd, sexual activities in their boss’ home. Connor is pushing for an orgy and let’s be real, none of us would argue with him. Wes gets a text from Levi and tries to leave, but Annalise shows up to detain him/cockblock everyone else. She has a new assignment for them: find proof that the Hapstall aunt lied about witnessing the twins murder their parents. She locks them in the basement where Rebecca was murdered to work, just for the additional negative vibes.
Meanwhile, Bonnie is staking out Asher’s house. Something tells me this isn’t the first time either. They have a clandestine meeting in her car, in which Bonnie assures him that the other students don’t know about Sam and he absolutely can’t tell them. Endless lolz.
Frank outs Wes and Levi to Annalise, who is less than thrilled to learn that her ex-boyfriend (Nate), hopeful future boyfriend (Wes), and the brother of a girl whose murder she helped cover up (Levi) are all in cahoots. Frank also informs her that Michaela and Levi are an item, but that Michaela doesn’t know who he really is. It speaks volumes to how fucked up this situation is that even Frank thinks Wes not telling Michaela the truth is shady.
Annalise gives Frank the job of keeping all her young’uns away from Levi before she leaves to do the one thing she does best: fuck with Nate. She tells him about her role in sort of assisting in his wife’s attempted suicide last episode. You would almost believe she’s being sincere when she promises to be there for him if you didn’t know she knew that he knew about Levi. This is like that goddamn episode of friends.
Back at the office, Laurel and Frank are fucking in the basement mere feet from where Rebecca was murdered. I guess it could be hot if you were into subterranean basement sex in your boss’ home/your place of work while a roomful of people sit upstairs. Meanwhile, Michaela has actually done what Annalise asked and found some evidence that helps in the Hapstall case. She uncovered security footage of the aunt screaming such charming things as “mongrel,” “half-breeds,” “Orientals,” and “mulatto” in reference to her niece and nephew. Ah, the sweet, dulcet tones of mid-century racism.
Caleb walks in while the video is playing and is understandable upset by it, considering he had mistakenly believed for his entire life that his aunt didn’t hate him based solely on his skin color. He did however, drop off some useful evidence; other than being a mind-blowingly verbose racist, his aunt was also a prescription drug addict. As a WASP from the East Coast you would have thought both of these things would have been assumed from the get-go, but I guess that’s not how due process works.
Back at the courthouse, Asher is about to sign his new immunity deal when he finds out that his dad, in the process of setting all this up, was cutting a deal for himself as well. Asher’s daddy issues come roaring out of him, sending this testimony to a blazing halt.
Connor has spent the entire episode thinking that Asher was about to out them all for murdering Sam, and has been coping with the stress by day drinking and suggesting sex to everyone in the room. Same. He finally cracks when he tells Oliver he might be going to jail, but can’t tell him why. Nothing is more fucking annoying than the “I have a secret but I can’t tell you” trope, but he manages to make up for it by telling Oliver that he loves him. If you listen closely, you can still hear my heart shattering over the tender use of “Ollie.”
Sinclair has taken Asher to a bar in the hopes of convincing him to sign his testimony. Honestly, if there’s a way to get it to happen, this is definitely a step in the right direction. She manages to toss out the truest statement ever spoken in this show’s two season run time: “You can’t just get away with murder, especially if you’re a woman responsible for educating an entire generation worth of law students.” Literally, that might be the moral of this entire show. That’s it. No one’s allowed to get away with murder, not even Annalise Keating. TGIT out.
Oliver, in his never-ceasing glory, managed to uncover the rest of the security audio that the police didn’t delete. It shows the aunt raving about how she remembers nothing from the night before but is sure that her convictions are right. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve said something similar, I probably wouldn’t be writing this recap.
You would think this would be ample evidence to get the aunt’s testimony thrown out in court, except that we are encountering the first competent judge this show has ever seen, who rightfully questioned how the fuck Annalise came across this audio recording. The aunt’s testimony is permitted, and not even a “solidarity, sister!” outburst from Catherine is enough to dissuade the judge.
Wes and Levi head out to see Bruno, the guy that helped Frank dispose of Rebecca’s body, at their local nearby graveyard. It all seems good and dandy until Levi pulls a gun on Bruno when he denies knowing anything. Wes steps in to play good cop, as always.
After his graveyard excursion, Wes heads back to Annalise’s where tensions have reached a breaking point. I mean, they’re pretty much always just riding at breaking point, but they’ve finally bubbled over. Michaela, Laurel and Connor are about to go full Lord of the Flies on Bonnie, who they are convinced told Asher about Sam, when Annalise steps in and does the last thing anyone would expect of her: defends Bonnie. She blames the law students for ruining everyone’s lives and tells them to stop being whiny fucking bitches. A little hypocritical, but not completely unwarranted.
Annalise collects Frank and Bonnie in her office and has a momentary meltdown because it seems like there is a very real possibility that everyone is going to jail. She then summons Wes into her chambers to
seduce him chat. It’s at this moment that Michaela, Connor, and Laurel finally realize that Wes isn’t the bumbling idiot puppy they’ve all accused him of being. How any of them still thought that after he orchestrated an entire murder cover up last season, I don’t know. Fucking law students.
On that note, when was the last time any of these people went to class? Law school is literally so time consuming? How have none of you flunked out yet??
Annalise tries to corral Wes into one of her motherly/seductress conversations and he is absolutely not having it. She is, in fact, Annalise Keating, so she knows that he’s lying and goes straight to Nate to call out their secret partnership. Nate flat out tells her that Wes thinks she killed Rebecca, but she denies it and feeds him the same Bonnie/rape story that Asher got. She begs for his understanding, claiming that Bonnie is like her daughter and that she did what she had to do to protect her.
Annalise: I love all my children equally.
* earlier that day *
Annalise: I never cared for Bonnie.
Understandably, Nate is a little pissed by this logic. He’s like “Uh, what about my protection when you were framing me for murder,” and Annalise is like “I can only rig so many goddamn cases at once jfc.” She then proceeds to sob and swear that she would rather die than betray him again. 0/10 chance this is sincere.
Wes, continuing in his new role of shady double-teamer, stole a key from Frank that is supposed to unlock Bruno’s storage unit where presumably Rebecca is hidden. Will her body be there by the time Wes and Levi show up? Absolutely not, because the only person on this show possibly smarter and more underhanded than Annalise is Frank.
Right before they can drive away, Michaela spots the two of them and runs over with Laurel and Connor in tow. I am a big fan of that friendship trio, but I digress. Due to Michaela’s unfortunate history she instantly assumes Wes and Levi are secretly gay and in love. Poor girl. It only gets worse from there, when Wes reveals that Levi is Eggs 911.
Before the new fantastic trio can fully flip out on him, Wes tells them that Rebecca is dead and he can prove it with the key he stole from Frank. At that very moment, the cops show up and arrest Levi for the meth hidden in the trunk of his car, the sole amount of which could supply the entire state of New Mexico for at least three days.
Across town and blissfully unaware of the shit storm that’s going down, Bonnie and Asher are having a heartfelt meeting in a bar, where all discussion of murder should occur. Asher grows a spine and tells Bonnie that they aren’t going to get away with this before ripping her off of him and storming out. She calls Annalise and blubbers a few “you were rights” before she volunteers to completely take the fall for a murder that she had literally nothing to do with. It’s a whole new fucking level of Stockholm Syndrome.
The original murder crew move on moderately unphased by Levi’s arrest to go check out the storage unit that Frank had the key to. The suitcase from Annalise’s basement is the only thing there, but Rebecca’s body isn’t in it. What is? A whole bunch of cash.
In a series of flashbacks it is revealed that Frank, possibly the most cunning motherfucker on this show, knew Wes was onto him and planted cash in the storage unit, meth in Levi’s car, and then let Wes steal the key. The other three are furious that Wes has managed to, yet again, entangle them in an incredibly terrible and probably illegal situation.
Annalise shows up to Asher’s house and what ensues is possibly the most fucked series of events that she has yet to commit, which is saying a lot since “framing boyfriend for murder of husband” is somewhere on that list. She has somehow managed to procure a home video from Bonnie’s childhood, but it’s not the kind that anyone would nostalgically watch during the holidays. It shows what looks like a seven-year-old Bonnie being molested by a man that Annalise claims is Bonnie’s father, and she makes a crying Asher watch the entire thing. Honestly. What the fuck.
Lesson learned: threaten to testify against Annalise and she will scar you for life with video evidence of your girlfriend being sexually abused as a child.
BACK TO THE FUTURE
Bonnie pulls into a shady public bathroom and tells a freaking out Asher that she just needs to pee really quick. I know that when I am fleeing the scene of a murder I also stop for a quick bathroom break.
More legitimately, she sneaks away to clean a bunch of blood off her body that she had hidden from Asher. By the time she makes it out of the bathroom, however, he’s gone. The next shot shows him at a police station, asking to make a statement.
Moral of the episode: Asher can’t fucking hang.