Today we want to celebrate one of our favorite drunk pasttimes: karaoke. Gifted to us by the same culture that gave us sushi and Sailor Moon, karaoke deserves its own special praise.
When we were baby betches, we watched Disney sing-alongs and learned how easy it was to get attention and praise for reading some words on a screen. Add in drinking and Ke$ha, and you’ve perfected the art of karaoke.
When a betch goes karaoke, it is usually a late night decision made around the same time of night a bro might decide it’s time to hit the strip club. But karaoke beats a strip club because it’s fucking way less sad.
Karaoke isn’t about singing well, it’s about the vibe. Unless you are like on Broadway, nobody expects you to sound good. In fact, the worst people at karaoke are the ones that try too hard. Like, there is no reason you should be singing Dreamgirls unless your name is Jennifer Hudson. Seriously, don’t embarrass yourself. Pick something everyone can sing along to and nobody will remember what you sound like.
Top karaoke picks for betches are Britney, Spice Girls, classic Pat Benatar, and obvi you can never go wrong with Beyonce. Betches also love singing DMX or class hip hop just to throw everyone off. Like, I have a lot of anger and I’m going to scream it while wearing a dress and heels.
The best part of karaoke is that betches can show they DGAF. Bros will see how fucking chill you are and think, “That’s one laid back betch.” Like don’t let my perfectly manicured nails fool you, I can get down to Ginuwinne.
So we applaud you, karaoke, for letting everyone know what brave betches we are for getting up on that microphone. Plus, we love karaoke because it gives us an excuse to sing “Before He Cheats” while your hookup squirms across the room. Relax, it's just a song.