Dear Head Pro,
You are amazing and you and the Betches are always spot on with advice. I’m hoping you can help me. The other day my boyfriend of one year (jokingly) said he wanted a new TV and a Playstation 4 for Christmas. I laughed at him and changed the subject. Last year we got each other presents in the $30-$50 range but the relationship was pretty new. So, I really want to get him the PS4 this year…am I crazy?
I just feel like he deserves it. I won’t go into detail but he’s the greatest partner I’ve ever had and his parents really suck and have never bought him anything. I doubt he will go over $100 on my gift, so I’m asking you, if you spent $50-$100 on a girlfriend and she gave you a PS4, would things get weird? Would you feel like you owed her or something? I really don’t want to make him feel weird, I just want to spoil him!
A Total Nice Girl
Dear Nice Girl,
Shit, a PS4 starts at like $350. Have game consoles always been that expensive? Anyway, I think you can get him the Playstation, provided that’s all you get him. I think a year in is long enough, especially since you’re adults. Make a big deal out of it too, as in let him know that you’re not trying to make him look or feel bad, but instead of a few little things you went big on one thing he really wanted. I mean, tell him what you told me – you think he’s great and you really wanted to make him happy.
There’s no way of getting around the awkwardness of “My girlfriend got me a PS4 and all I got her was a gift card to the Dildo Emporium,” but honestly it’s not that big of a deal and it’ll pass soon enough. If you’re worried he won’t feel like a MANLY MAN because you got him such an expensive gift, play dumb and have him show you how it works, how to play it, etc. Guys are pretty dumb and our egos are easily puffed up by a woman needing us for something, even the simplest things. If you have to pretend to not know how to use the new $400 glorified blu-ray player, so be it.
Dear Head Pro,
Back in March, my long-time boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up. Now that I’m over that, I’ve been engaging is some pretty spontaneous activities. I’ve never been one to put myself out there like that, or go home with a guy from a bar, but I feel like it’s time I change my ways. I’ve had my eye on this seriously attractive guy who happens to be in not one, but TWO of my classes this semester. I finally got the courage to text him at 3AM one night & found myself in his bed shortly after… and then found myself in my own bed by 5:30AM. He warned me beforehand that I couldn’t stay the night. *cue douche from Bridesmaids*
Literally days went by before I decided to break the ice and text him. To use a double negative, no one never talks to me after doing the deed. Finally he confesses that he’s been in “the deteriorating stages of a relationship” for the past few weeks (it all makes sense now), and that he might have made a mistake by having me over. The real issue here is that I don’t even care about his crippling relationship…. we both admitted that we had a great time, and I never expected anything to come from it anyway. We’ve seen each other out a few times since & I still strongly consider finding a way to get back in his bed. It’s one of those “I can’t have you so I totally want you” kind of things. I’ve held back on texting him/casually talking to him when we’re out because I don’t want to interfere with his current relationship (I’ve never seen this mysterious gf), but I also have needs of my own that for some reason I feel can only be satisfied by revisiting our one fun night. Am I doing the right thing by backing off, or should I just not care and move forward with my antics anyway?
I just want to bang
Fuck, these are the kinds of emails that make my head hurt. Like, you texted a relative stranger at 3 AM and you’re offended that you couldn’t sleep over (after he warned you in advance)? I get that your sensibilities are offended given that you’re a presumably attractive person who’s not used to getting blown off, but come the fuck on. The guy told you exactly why he was cagey and why he’s not interested in anything further, and yet you’re still like “hmmmmm, how can I maybe weasel my way into bed with him.” I would think, as a woman, you’d understand how fucking annoying it is to have someone repeatedly try to fuck you when you’re not interested.
No one can fault you for the one time in the sack because you didn’t know he was being shady, but only a crazy person can say “I don’t want to interfere with his current relationship, but I need to fuck him.” And you use the word “current,” as though it’s definitely temporary (probably true, but still)! Leave the dude alone. You’ve admitted yourself that you only want him because you can’t have him, so cut it out. There’s nothing magical about his dick that will “cure” whatever problem it is you think you have, which by the way is called “ABSOLUTELY not over my previous relationship.”
It’s fine, and good, to be into new things when you come out of a relationships, but trying to force yourself into being something you’re not (obviously) isn’t working.