Dear Betch, How Do I Make A Fuckboy Regret Being A Fuckboy?

Dear Betches,

So I’ve been hooking up with this guy for a while now. We hook up every weekend and he’s been a huge fuckboy to me. He just doesn’t care about me and obviously it’s just sex for him but I want more and I’ve voiced this many times to him but we just continue hooking up as usual.

I just finished junior year in college and want to end this before senior year starts so I’m not miserable all of my senior year, stressing about when things will change and if he’ll finally come to a realization that he needs to treat me better. I know he’s going to text me this weekend so how do I shut things down with him? All my friends said to ignore him but I want to say something that will make realize he wrong he has been and maybe be nicer to me for once. How do I end things with a fuckboy so he regrets ever being a fuckboy to me?

I want to him to cry

Oh honey,

You, more than anyone who’s ever written in to me, should really avail yourself of our new book. Or, if you don’t want to fork over the money for it, your friends are right. See, here’s the thing: in order to have the capacity to hurt someone’s feelings, they have to care about you in the first place. This guy doesn’t, so nothing you say will make him feel guilty or give him that come-to-Jesus moment you’re hoping for. There is literally no combination of words in the English language that will make him stop being a fuckboy or regret his fuckboy ways. The best and coldest way to get revenge is to cut someone off completely and without warning and act as if they never existed. Then, you go on living your life never speaking to them again. It’s cliché, but revenge, like our hearts, is best served cold.

Stay chill,

The Betches


Dear Betches,
My ex and I broke up in early March and like any rebounding 20 something I downloaded tinder. It’s not like I was looking for a different hook up every night, but I was looking for no strings attached sex to help me stop thinking about ex sex. Then I swiped right on L. He started messaging immediately and tinder messages turned into exchanging numbers. We talked for about a month before we met up and instead of the usual drinks and a trip to his place we grabbed a bite, saw a movie, and he kissed me on the cheek goodnight. What the fuck?! Did I find a gentleman on tinder?! So finally I set up a time to go to his place. He made dinner and me, him, and his fucking roommate hung out and ate together. A couple hours later we go to his room and do what God and tinder intended. But unlike other tinder experiences I don’t leave. He cuddles me. All. Fucking. Night. Now I’ve neglected to say that L is a little shy. Some of the questions he asks are pretty awkward and at times he can’t continue a conversation but for whatever reason I like the guy. I got drunk one night, story of my life, and apparently texted him about being just fuck buddies. He totally ignored that text but continued to text me about everything else. I go to his place at least once a week and it is the same thing. He always wants me to stay over and always wants to hold me throughout the night and kiss me goodbye in the morning. I guess the point I’m trying to get to with all the shit I’ve just typed is for the first time I am genuinely confused as to whether he likes me and wants more but is afraid to say anything or whether he is the rare breed of man that likes to get his dick wet and still sleep next to a warm body.

A girl who forgot how to date

Dear Flexy McGee,

Hate to burst your bubble, but this is a no flex zone. YES, it is SO FUCKING OBVIOUS this guy likes you but he isn’t going to try to have a DTR talk because you already have shot him down. You know it too, quit trying to front. This wasn’t part of your question, but you should cut the poor guy loose and stop using him as a sex toy if you have no feelings towards him, because, again, IT IS OBVIOUS HE LIKES YOU. P.S. Every girl on Tinder probably hates you.


The Betches


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