How Do I Limit The Amount Of Time My Boyfriend Sees His Ex? Dear Betch…

Dear Betch,

I have been seeing this guy for one month. He is really into me and tells me how pretty and fun I am all the time.  He doesn't seem afraid to commit either, in fact, I think he's trying to make me his girlfriend… It's okay though, I am also really into him! Blah blah barf, kicker: He is in a band with his ex girlfriend (of almost 2 years) which I thought he was quitting. They broke up 3 months ago (THAT'S NOT VERY LONG AGO, right?) because she wanted to move in together and he was hesitant so she dumped him. He says he wasn't that into her and to him it had been over for a while… I have a hard time with this whole story because 2 years is an incredibly long time to be with someone you're “just not that into.” And she was clearly very much into him, wanting to move in and all.

Anyway, he told me he wasn't planning on playing with the band anymore but the other night he came over to my house after a band practice…with that band. I asked him how it was seeing his ex and if it was awkward but he just kinda shrugged it off and seemed indifferent. I tried not to let it bother me but he later told me that that band is kind of the biggest deal he's been a part of. They had another practice the other night so it looks like he's back with the band…

So my questions are: Is this not fucking weird? I don't want to impede on his pipe dreams (I also have no room to, not being his girlfriend), but I think it's really fucking weird that he's back in the band.  I also hate the thought of this girl spending so much time with him when she is probably still very much in love with him. How do I be cool about this? I really don't want to be the BSCB. I actually like this guy. Thanks Betches,

Sad Groupy

Dear Penny Lane,

To cut to the chase, yes, it’s fucking weird. My general rule of thumb is, don’t trust anyone who claims to be “friends” with their ex because at least one party is either a) lying to themselves or b) actively trying to get back with their ex. In this case, it’s pretty obvious who’s trying to get back with whom. 3 months isn’t a long time to be broken up when you’re talking about a 2 year relationship. Have you considered the fact that you’re a rebound? Not to burst your bubble, but any guy who acts that ready to jump into a new relationship right after ending a long-term one should be met with a hard side-eye. 

Basically, you have every right to not trust this bitch but since you’re not the gf your options are limited. If you try to give him an ultimatum it will 100% absolutely blow up in your face. Not to mention ultimatums are pretty fucked up to begin with. Personally, I think this guy has given you a great exit strategy because musicians are literally the worst to date. Stay in this pseudo-relationship and you can look forward to getting blown off for practices, forced into coming to “gigs” (aka maybe a deserted open mic night or like, his cousin’s birthday party), and constant talks about how the band’s “really going to blow up soon, I’m sure of it babe.” Meanwhile their last song got like 14 hits on Spotify. I’m not a psychic, I’ve just (unfortunately) dated a lot of musicians.

But yeah, if cynicism isn’t your thing, maybe just try asking if you can come to a practice session sometime. How he responds will pretty much tell you where to go from there.

I’m sleep deprived from NYE and can’t think of a witty signoff,

The Betches

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