How Do I Kick a Bro Out After We Hook Up? Dear Betch…

Dear Betch,

I've become incredibly accustomed to living alone. I love it- especially sleeping on my own. So when I have a bro over and he's not understanding the whole “screw me and dip ASAP” thing  how do I kick him TF out without damaging his fragile effing ego?



Dear Drinker of Male Tears,

Finally, a question I'm actually excited to answer. Getting a bro who just won't get the hint (JWGTH?) tf out of your place is a delicate situation, but there are a number of indirect tactics a betch can take that are not only effective, but they also won't make you seem like a soulless bitch. Start small by whining about all the stuff you have to
do early af in the morning (lies), and how you really need your beauty rest. If that doesn't work, start dropping hints about how insufferable you are to share a bed with—tell him you suffer from chronic insomnia, restless leg syndrome, hogging all the blankets, whatever you need to do. If he's still hanging around because he's kind of socially retarded and weird, you could try making your apartment so uninviting that he really just wants to GTFO. Like, put up a bunch of horse posters on your wall, show him your creepy doll collection, or tell him you're really into One Direction. If that still doesn't work you just gotta pull a Drake.

'Bout to Call Yo Ass a Uber, I Got Somewhere to Be,

The Betches

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