How Do I Get My Fuck Buddy to Commit? Dear Betch

Dear Betch,

I'm in my second year of college and my first year was a mess of boys, booze, and recreational drugs. I occasionally hookup with pros but there has been one in particular who won't fucking leave. To reference literally the best book ever written I've encountered a WGA. I've been on and off hooking up with him for about a year now but we've never been in a serious relationship. We've had some emotional encounters where I dropped the ball of betchiness and allowed my weak side to shine through brilliantly, but other than that we usually ignore the awkwardness of our undefined relations.

The worst part about the whole mess is I KNOW I'M BETTER! Not to sound like a bitch but I really am. Which is why me being all hung up over him is a serious problem. Most of the time I want to convince myself that I have no feelings for him, but I always end up getting jealous of girls he hooks up with (who aren't me) or hooking up with him. All off this would be fine, if we were actually dating, or he at least invested a little more effort into me but he's not. I'm fully aware that I'm allowing this  continue but I don't know how to stop it. I have these so called “feelings” and they're absolutely fucking awful. What do I do to regain betch status and stop falling all over myself for this loser? Or maybe even get him to commit?


HotMess Betch

Dear HotMess Betch,

First of all, drop any and all delusions of getting him to commit. This guy has been having sex with you for a year and you suddenly think he's going to  turn around and want to add some relationship responsibility into the mix? Why would a guy purchase a car if he's been getting free rides on it for over a year? If he wanted to date you he would've done something about it by now but he hasn't so he doesn't.

Maybe it's because he doesn't think you're girlfriend material. Maybe it's because he doesn't want a girlfriend at all. Maybe he has some third unknown reason like he likes having sex with no strings attached or can sense your desperate need to lure him in. The world may never know but none of that shit matters because the only thing that's important here is that you want something from him that he doesn't want to give you: a relationship. No one wants to tell the epic love story to their grandchildren of the boy they had to convince to stop fucking other people and commit to them. You want to be with someone who feels lucky to be with you and who thinks you're enough of a catch to chase YOU. In this case, that isn't going to happen. This situation would be fine if you were just looking to hook up but this fuck buddy is clearly causing you more pain than happiness so it's time to cut and run. Stop answering his texts, stop hooking up with him, and stop seeming like a desperate loser who will settle for a guy who treats her poorly and has sex with her whenever he wants to over nothing. Give it time. You'll get over this guy and maintain your dignity. Hopefully you're better than that. And if you're not just fake it till you make it. 


The Betches 


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