‘House Of Cards’ Is Cancelled Because Kevin Spacey Doesn’t Know How To Behave

For a while it seemed like nothing redeeming could possibly come out of 2017. Waking up every morning and checking Twitter has kind of been like cruising the apps in your hometown: You naively hope something good comes of it, but you know it’s just going to be really fucking depressing. But then, something amazing happened. In the midst of the dumpster fire that is theTrump administration, a Nazi-revival, and weather that belongs in a preview for The Day After Tomorrow, a small silver lining has emerged: vindication. Powerful, previously untouchable, men are being toppled by sexual assault accusations that are, for the first time, actually sticking. There may be hope for us after all.

The wave of absolution that took down Harvey Weinstein and Mark Halperin has claimed its third victim: Kevin Spacey. What’s in the box? WHAT’S IN THE BOX? Just another shitty, entitled white man, abusing his power and letting us all down in the process.

Actor Anthony Rapp, inspired by women in the entertainment industry coming forward about their experiences, accused Kevin Spacey of making a sexually aggressive advance toward him at a party in Spacey’s apartment in 1986. Rapp was 14 at the time, Spacey 26.


If you are shocked by this news, it’s probably because you haven’t been a young, attractive man in Hollywood in the past twenty or so years. Or a PA on House of Cards. Or someone who lives and breathes gay Twitter, the source of all my journalistic endeavors.

According to a thread that I found and devoured when news of Harvey first broke, Kevin Spacey has been pulling this shit for quite some time. How long, you ask? Long enough for Defamer to amass a collection of anonymous tips and stories about his infamous lechery. Were all the interactions negative? No. But enough of them were to ensure that I’ll never try and force myself to finish season one of House of Cards again. 

(To be clear, in this case “enough” means literally once, because that’s all it takes to make you a sexual predator. Glad we cleared that up.)

In what has been a month of really poor responses to sexual assault charges, Kevin Spacey has truly taken the cake. Why apologize or own up to your shitty behavior when you could just pull out the “I don’t remember doing that and also I am gay now” excuse. A classic that I’ve used many times throughout my life.

My mom: Did you defrost that chicken like I asked?
Me: I don’t actually remember you asking me to do that but also I am GAY.


People are, understandably, pissed about this for more than a few reasons. Let’s break them down:
·      A good response to “Hey you molested me,” isn’t “Oh man, I don’t recall but it was probably because I was a repressed gay man.” A simple “I am so deeply sorry,” would probably be a good place to start.

·      It’s pretty fucking hard to come out in a way that actually does damage to the gay community, but by God Kevin Spacey has done it. In case he hasn’t heard, gay people have been through a lot. Drudging up and hiding behind old stereotypes like “gay men are pedophiles” is an insult to the community and a dangerous trope to be rolling out given the fact that Mike Pence and men like him currently have a substantial amount of power in this country. 

·      Literally everyone knew Kevin Spacey was gay. Everyone. Esquire broke this story in 1997. No one gave a shit, except clearly Kevin Spacey. Instead of using his coming out as a statement of acceptance and hope for kids everywhere, he used it to try and excuse assault.

In light of this news, Netflix initially announced that the upcoming season six of House of Cards would be it’s last but has since halted production indefinitely. So, in a wild turn of events, it turns out that sexual assault allegations are enough to get the fake US President fired, just not the real one. God Bless America.

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