If there’s anything the selfie kid at the Super Bowl taught us it’s that we, as a culture, are
slowly turning into an episode of Black Mirror obsessed with our selfies. God, I want to set myself on fire just writing that sentence. According to a recent review by the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery (AAFPRS), 2017 was a huuuuge, very big year for plastic surgery and 2018 is about to be even more lit. Last year, plastic surgeons saw an 80 percent increase of cosmetic non-surgical procedures, like injectables, that are v popular with the Kylie Jenner wannabe crowd twentysomethings. And apparently we can thank “selfie culture” for that. No, seriously. This is the world we live in. According to the AARPS survey, 55 percent of facial plastic surgeons saw patients who wanted to PHYSICALLY ALTER their appearances, I assume so they could look better in their Instagram stories. And that number is only predicted to grow in the new year. Welcome to 2018, fam. I guess it’s time to lean the fuck in. And you know what I always say: if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em rank the shit out of every procedure so at least people will be able to make a smart, educated decision about the surgical Insta filter they’re about to put in their face. And my parents thought I wouldn’t be able to use my journalism degree after college! So here is a definitive list of the best and worst plastic surgery trends of 2018:
Plastic Surgery Trends That Are Worth It
The Non-Surgical Nose Job: If you thought we left nose jobs back in the early 00’s with Ashlee Simpson, you’d be wrong. Now, instead of doing traditional rhinoplasty, people are using injectables to change the shapes of their noses in a procedure that takes less than 15 minutes, or the time it takes for me to start and end a relationship on Hinge. Plastic surgeons inject a hyaluronic acid filler to smooth out imperfections and help contour the nose shape. The cool thing is the procedure isn’t permanent. The injections won’t last longer than two years, so like, about as long as it will take you to work out your quarter life crisis and learn to love your nose again.
PRP Injections: Platelet-Rich Plasma, or PRP injections have been slowly gaining a cult following for a while now thanks to Kim Kardashian and
the thousands of dollars she was paid to promote it for 30 seconds her Instagram account. Remember vampire facials? This is basically the same thing. Surgeons take a patient’s own blood and spin it to extract platelets and growth factors. They then separate out the plasma and incubate it for hours to multiply its healing agents before injecting it back into the patient’s skin or hair follicles to rejuvenate skin and regenerate hair growth. So basically, some fucking sorcery is at play here, but your skin will look good AF by the end of it. Blessings.
Plastic Surgery Trends To Skip
Eyelid Procedures: Yeah, you heard me right. People are fucking with their eyelids now, because nothing is sacred anymore, goddamnit. Fifty-seven percent of plastic surgeons are saying their patients are not only obsessed with selfies, but also gaining a competitive edge in their careers, which is why kids these days are injecting shit into their eyelids to minimize dark circles and under eye bags. Fucking genius. And while normally I’m in full support of any and everything that will hide the evidence of my hangovers, the fillers they inject into your eyelids only last a year at the most and then you turn back into
a pumpkin your ratchet-ass self. Pass. I’d rather just live my truth from the beginning.
Botox: If you’re under 30 and regularly subjecting yourself to this shit, then you need to take a serious fucking look inward. First of all, there’s so many anti-aging treatments out there that cost a fraction of what botox does, so save your money for where it really should be spent: the bar. Secondly, YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF FUCKING 30. Fucking chill. Just because your mother has low-key been sending you mommy memes and YouTube videos of babies since the day you graduated college does not mean you’re actually old and should start injecting shit into your skin.
Fillers: Fillers are, like, so
2015 Kylie Jenner last year. Not to mention, this is the year that plastic surgeons are, like, realizing stuff, and that stuff is that your body can actually build up an immunity to fillers, meaning fillers might actually be useless. Whatttt. That’s right, it’s 2018 people, and by 2019 Kylie might look more unrecognizable than her first driver’s permit photo. And we thought motherhood was going to be the craziest transformation we’d see of her. Bottom line: unless you’re looking for a v v short-term solution, don’t waste your time (and money) on fillers anymore.
Images: Giphy (5)