Help! I Took A Guy’s V-Card And He Won’t Stop Sweating Me – Ask A Pro

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Dear Head Pro,

I'm still in high school, but all of my friends are already losing their V-Card. I know this boy…we even dated in like 6th grade. We have the type of friendship where we talk a lot but then separate randomly and this has been going on for years now. We have recently reconnected, and he wants to do it all. We slowly started talking about hooking up again and the conversation just kept going. At first I was all in, I mean all of my friends are losing it, so why can't I? I believed I was ready, but now the more I think about it I am kind of scared. I know if I don't do it, I'll be forever mad at myself. At the same time, I can't ruin my reputation. I'm what you all would call the classiest form of a betch. Help.

Not so classy-classy Betch

Dear Not so…. what?

Man, I am getting too old for this shit. You couldn’t pay me enough to be a teenager again, and this kind of thing is why. You hit the age where you start getting itchy britches, and all of a sudden sex is EVERYWHERE. Everyone is having it but you, it feels like. For starters, don’t predicate your sexual decisions on what your friends say they’re doing. I guarantee you, it’s not all orgies and rainbow parties for them, either. When sex becomes the cool thing to do, people are TERRIFIED of looking lame and will say whatever they think will make them sound cooler. Look at it this way: You’re a virgin, interested in sex, but haven’t done it yet because you’re still uncomfortable – is there any reason to believe that all of your friends are somehow different?

As for banging your 6th grade boyfriend, I would hold off on that. Of course he wants to “do it all.” He wants to do it all with you, with your friends, with that vending machine over there, and then he wants to cryogenically freeze himself for 100 years so he can fuck all those future ladies, too. Teenage boys are animals. You want your first time to be as good as a first time can be, and you’ll eventually learn that how you feel about the person has A LOT to do with how good the sex is. Doing it with him for the sake of doing it would be shitty and uncomfortable, and there’s a solid chance you’d feel very hurt and confused afterwards. Personally, I think it’s better to start off your sex life in a caring, respectful relationship until you’ve gotten to know your sexual identity better. Most people eventually realize that, yes, sex can just be sex sometimes, but I think it would be a lot harder to start off that way and then later try to understand how it’s also an important way of expressing love and affection.

I promise, you won’t be “forever mad at yourself” if you don’t fuck someone just to say you did it. It obviously wouldn’t be the end of the world if you did, either, but we’re talking about something very personal and intimate that WILL have an emotional component to it, regardless of what anyone tells you. Honestly, if your reputation is playing such a big part in your decision, that’s probably a sign that you’re not quite ready. Whatever you choose, make sure everyone involved is safe, respectful and consenting.

Nubile Kisses,

Head Pro

Dear Head Pro,

I’m a senior in college with exactly one month left of school. I randomly met another senior in the beginning of March that I hadn't previously known and we immediately hit it off. We started hanging out at least 4 days/nights a week (in hindsight, so fucking aggressive). We eventually had sex and it was awesome but then I get hit with the fact that I took his virginity and now I have a stage 5 clinger on my hands and I feel super guilty. We are basically exclusive at this point by default but I in NO WAY want to be even though I still want to see him, so I obviously have to have the “talk”. I haven’t actually hooked up with anyone else, but I’ve had multiple super awkward nights where I’m texting this guy and another guy and then we all end up at the same place and I usually just end up leaving alone at that point to avoid drama (which sucks).

How do I say “lets not be exclusive anymore, I'm aware I led you on, sorry I swiped your v-card and its nonrefundable” without sounding really mean? Because I still think he’s really cool and fun and would be down to continue hanging out, hooking up, going to dinner, going to parties with his group of friends that are super fun, etc. The fact that I took his virginity makes me super nervous that he’s going to be devastated when I tell him to back off. He tried to ask if we were exclusive like 2 weeks ago but we were drunk so I kind of just avoided the question.

Any other time of the year I would date this guy but there’s literally no point. We have one month left and I want to be a selfish, unaccountable, and drunk college kid for every god damn day of it.

Don't Need No Man

Dear Ugh,

I’m not… totally sure of your issue, here. You’re 100% adamant that you don’t want to be exclusive with this guy, and yet you are, for some reason? You think taking his virginity is the reason he’s still hanging around, conveniently ignoring the fact that you spent several days of every week together and he might just like you? You want to end things with him, but you still want to hook up, hang out and go on dates together – essentially the same thing you’re doing now? Somehow, your efforts to hook up with other guys are always foiled by both guys showing up to the same place? What’s with all the texting bullshit? Is it really that hard to get pronged in college these days? Goddamn.

I really don’t know why you’re so hellbent on stirring the pot with this guy you seem to willfully spend a lot of time with, but: You don’t need to tell him “let’s not be exclusive anymore.” Like, you haven’t established the relationship in the first place. No, all you need to do is have the standard DTR talk. Something like “Hey, so, this has been happening for a while, where do you think it’s going?” If he again mentions his desire to be exclusive say something along the lines of “I don’t think that’s what’s right for me, it’s senior year and I don’t want to be tied down.” I’m sorry that this will require that you conduct yourself as someone who vaguely resembles an adult, but consider it good practice for post-grad life.

Guys don’t give a shit about losing their virginity,

Head Pro

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