Much like the great migration of water buffalo to a watering hole in Africa, a betch’s journey from work (or TBH her hangover couch) to her happy hour destination is high stakes, high opportunity, and really fucking important. Like any social activity that involves alcohol, betches are mostly really good at happy hour-ing well. Except sometimes they’re not. Here’s 5 classic happy hour fails that any a betch may have to admit to:
Any postgraduate that forgets that they’re poor until they call their parents for a ‘loan’ again can relate to the sticker shock of a happy hour tab. One minute you were thinking you were getting your pitchers for half off, and the next you realize you just ordered three $27 dollar cocktails. Since when does happy hour end at 6?
After a super stressful day at work of like, returning emails and talking shit with your coworkers, its understandable that if you order a plate of nachos for the table you might treat yourself. And by treat yourself I’m talking about when seven chips inevitably leads into buffalo wings and potato skins and your feeling ready for a fourth meal before its even dinner time. You know you’ve had a bit of a regrettable happy hour when you can’t get drunk later that night with four platters of apps in your stomach.
Happy houring near the office is pretty much a death sentence for seeing way too many people you know. Plus, no betch wants to get in the situation of having a polite convo with her boss after having an hour-long relationship with a bottle of wine. Unless, of course, you work in Communications. Then its just like a typical office interaction, anyways.
A classic move for a betch. When one happy hour deal turns into the equivalent of 8 shots of a variety of liquors and syrups, you know you’ve screwed yourself over in the most fun way possible. Getting shitfaced at happy hour is sometimes worth it but most the time just embarrassing when you have to explain to your co-worker why you had to take an uber into the office today. “Funny story, one minute I walked over to Benny’s for a marg after work and the next I was spooning porcelain in the sketchy bathroom stall. So like, yeah, I was responsible enough to take a cab home.”
Potentially seen as more of a success than a fail, you know the happy hour got out of hand when you find yourself in line for a nightclub in what you wore to work. Some onlookers might just think you’re a chill betch who doesn’t wear a lot of makeup, but most are going to think you’re a hammered tight-ass in a pantsuit. If you get in this situation you just have to work it, most notably with bar talk. Prepare to convince the rando your dancing with that no, you don’t have a drinking problem and yes, this does happen often.