If the only thing you’re looking forward to when you come into the office is a shitty salad with soggy croutons for lunch you need to reassess.
One of the best ways to distract yourself from the boring monotony that is adulthood is to develop an office romance. Regular conversations with a hot bro whose ass actually looks great in anything business casual provides you with a fresh outlook on the fact that you’re no longer in college blacking out regularly. Or your drinking habits have not changed, but they’re just less accepted by your peers.
Hiding in the bathroom for 10 minutes every hour gets suspicious real quick so this is a viable second option to keep yourself occupied.
In the event that this bro does fall in love with you (which will happen duh) and you’re kinda sorta interested too, here’s how to handle it.
1. Do NOT Be Awkward
You are a grown up now (or at least that’s what your parents keep saying) so being awkward is just not a fucking option. This isn’t COMM230 where you could avoid eye contact with your hook up because it was a 300-person lecture. If he’s awkward to you then clearly you need to try a different department.
2. Do NOT Be Obvious
Just in case you’re one of those annoying betches who thinks PDA is acceptable when sober then you should take a step back and realize you’re in the office and not your living room. Hands off and stop giggling in the break room.
3. Do NOT Tell Other Co-Workers
Not only will they get jealous that they’re not as hot as you, but they will also try to undermine your work ability and while you may hate doing work, you still could kick their asses in the boardroom. You think you left high school years ago, but everyone still loves to talk shit so watch your back.
4. Do NOT Send Stupid Shit Over Email/Messenger
You might think you’re being discrete, but “You do a great job of filling in the boxes in Excel” isn’t shit you should be sending to the guy you’re sleeping with at work. There is a time and place for dirty talk. Best case scenario you never get caught, worst case scenario you send one of these messages to your boss by accident when you’re hungover AF on a Friday morning. You know how the rest of the story goes.
5. DO Try To Hook Up Somewhere In The Office At Least Once…Or Twice
Stay late one night and take advantage of the huge table in the conference room. Now that’s a story for brunch with your besties.