Gwyneth Paltrow Promotes Another Batshit Crazy Beauty Secret

If you’re at all like Gwyneth Paltrow, then you are (first of all) fucking psychotic, and second of all, always down to do whatevs in the name of your appearance/aura/Chris Martin. Last year it was vaginal steaming (sidebar: “It is an energetic release—not just a steam douche—that balances female hormone levels” changed my FUCKING life, so thank you for that GWINNY!), and now it’s bee stinging. 

That’s right, The World’s #1 Rich Person Advocate actually seeks out a group of diabolical bees to sting her face over and over again while she probably screams “I’m Gwyneth Paltrow and these artisanal bees stinging my gorgeous face are worth more than your life savings HAHAHA LIMES.” All to look less old. Because if there’s one thing money can’t buy you, it’s a basic understanding of the world.

What’s next? Actual acid? Hope it’s made from the ovaries of a thousand demon virgins!!


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