The Betches’ Guide to Getting Rid of Shit

It’s a new year and a new you. This means making room for new shit. As a betch you’re constantly being showered with gifts and having too many things is a problem you sometimes have to deal with.  Not that having things is a problem, but like every rose bush needs pruning, you put your personal possessions go through a rose ceremony and cut out the Olivias unwanted shit on a reg basis.

We take our cue less from The Art of Tidying Up and more from Hoarders because clearly we don’t want to become a character from the latter. Sometimes when we’re stressed we do retail therapy but other times it’s easier just to get rid of shit. Getting rid of shit you don’t need is betchy because it implies you have a lot of shit you don’t need. That’s just like, the rules of being rich. 

You might find yourself digging through your old schoolwork and realizing that you still have your old schoolwork.  So you start organizing your books and eventually your formal clothes and eventually you’re wondering why you still have your ex’s hoodie. Instead of itemizing your emotional attachment to each item, you pile everything into a box and decide that everything worth saving is going to charity while the rest is ending up in the trash. There’s nothing more satisfying than clearing out a fourth of your closet on a Saturday afternoon just because you’re bored and haven’t worn some dresses in years.

When you can’t decide what shit to get rid of, always go by the 1 year rule. If you forgot you had it for over a year, you don’t need it anyway. When it comes to gifts, only gifts you bought for yourself are worth saving. Most people suck at giving gifts and saving a porcelain penguin from your 3rd best friend out of pity is not worth it. The exception to this is anybody that’s died. You should save that shit because duh, they’re dead.

The best part of getting rid of shit is trying on your fifteen year old Hollister shorts just because you can still fit in them. You might be tempted to hang on to this reminder of your glory days but do you really want to take up closet space when you could be making room for new shit? Didn’t think so. At the rate you get things, you’ll be doing another sweep in six months.


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