Governors Ball, a place where Instagram-worthy selfies flow as freely as the $15 cups of booze and smuggled in “water.” Oh, yeah, and music, or whatever. Here are some things I learned at Governors Ball this weekend:
1. Did you know that some people can listen to live music for eight hours in a row for two days straight? Yep, I saw it with my own two eyes, or all those memes I see about the molly hitting really are really real.
2. There are people who still use those old long things with strings. What are they called again? Gators? Gritters? Guitars. Nailed it.
3. It’s not a crime to place thousands of people on an island that isn’t fully Wi-Fi enabled making it impossible to upload Snaps and Instagrams until later when less people are going to see them. Sign my petition to ensure all Americans have Wi-Fi by, idk, like, tomorrow? That seems fair. (I realize that’s just the landing page, can someone make that petition for me? I’m like sooo swamped.)
But rest assured, there were people at Governors Ball who were making real music. You know the type. It’s a guy (OR GIRL!) standing behind a laptop, waving their hand in the air, and the music has that thumping and clicking sound like there’s a Gucci sample sale down the street.
There were a lot of those guitar-playing people on Friday. One was named Beck, who I’m pretty sure was involved in some capital-D Drama at last year’s Grammy’s with Kim Kardashian’s husband, Mr. Kanye West.
Another was the Strokes whose lead singer is the only man who didn’t repulse me by wearing his sunglasses at night. Anyway, after they took their guitar and other weird instruments back to the old folks home stuff got real good.
Bloc Party tricked me with their name, but then I stumbled over to Jamie xx to see if I could supply the last X. (Spoiler alert: I could.) He was, like, pretty cute in that just-got-off-a-red-eye-from-London-and-did-a-bunch-of-drugs type of way and he played some rap music. There were Good Times.
Saturday went even better than Friday. Haim is some sort of girl power collective that was transported here from the ‘80s. I’m pretty sure Miguel got everyone pregnant during his set, which explains the waiver I had to sign before approaching the stage.
And then there was that night’s headliner, The Killers. Which is like my all-time favorite band ever. I love their song, “You had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that I had in February dun dun dun…” I don’t know any of their other songs, but they’re definitely Now That’s What I Call Music-caliber.
But here comes the bad news. After waking up on Sunday in a stupor, I came to find that Governors Ball day three has been cancelled. Apparently, the conditions were “unsafe.” “Unsafe” in the same way your parents, school administrators, doctors, rehab program directors, and counselors always say your levels of alcohol consumptions are unsafe. I would have happily died watching Kanye then, of course, being buried inside the Louis store.
Anyway, let’s have a moment of silence for all the Instagrams that were lost as a result of Sunday’s cancellation. Until next year, Gov Ball.