The Girl Scouts Announced Two New Cookie Flavors

Get ready for some serious feels up in this bitch. The Girl Scouts released not one, but two new cookie flavors. And get this—they are both s’mores flavors. One is a cookie s’mores sandwich and the other is a graham cracker-type cookie dipped in marshmallow and chocolate. Not sure what the difference between the two is tbh, but either way I’m sure both will be my regular drunk snacks.

They apparently announced the move on National S’mores Day, but only fat-asses would know that it’s actually National S’mores Day. So naturally we’re a little late to the party.

Girl Scout cookie season is a few months away, so you’ve got some time before you can start harassing all the 9-year-olds within a 5-mile radius. But while the Girl Scouts are at it, making new cookie flavors based on trendy arbitrary holidays, we have a few suggestions for some new flavors.

1. Rosé


Rosé, so hot right now. It would be a little weird to have an alcohol-inspired cookie peddled by young kids, but whatever, it’s trendy.

2. Funfetti


Might run into some trademark issues, but funfetti would be amazing for three reasons: rainbow is all the rage, kids love rainbow shit, and funfetti would cover the nostalgia demographic. Or can we just bring back Dunkaroos? Honestly, either would suffice.

3. Cronut

Hurry up with my damn croissants

I for one definitely think we need a Girl Scouts cookie inspired by a donut inspired by a croissant inspired by a trend that was big like, two years ago.

4. Strawberry Shortcake

Racoons eating strawberries

The Girl Scouts have tried a lot of unsuccessful fruit flavors: apple cinnamon (it was reduced fat, big deal back in the 90s), lemon, I think maybe a key lime thing? The one thing that I don’t think they’ve ever tried is strawberry shortcake. And why the fuck not? That shit would be delicious. A strawberry-flavored sandwich cookie with a vanilla cream filling? A vanilla sandwich cookie with a strawberry cream filling? Why hasn’t this been made yet? Why am I giving away all my secrets on the internet? Fuck.

5. Muffin Top


Both the food itself—IDGAF which flavor muffin…blueberry? And the term for your bulging love handles. It will be the first of its kind: a cookie that accurately predicts its effect on your body.

6. An Unending Sense Of Regret

I regret everything

Because at the end of the day, that’s all you really get from buying and finishing a box of Girl Scout Cookies.


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