How Do I Get Over a Guy I Never Really Dated? Dear Betch…

Dear Betch,

So long story short, I lost my virginity to a guy I met on spring break which I know is so dumb af, but since I had already done everything else I didn’t feel like it was THAT much of a big deal for me. I didn’t even tell the guy I was a virgin at the time, and was completely ok with never seeing him again. He visited my college town a few times during the semester so I saw him a few times during the semester. When he first initiated contact I was just going to ignore him but I didn’t out of shear boredom. Since I was home a lot during the summer and were from the same city it somehow snowballed into a casual thing. We were more more than just fuck buddies because we did cute shit like have sleepovers/cuddle and go out to eat. I met his friends and brother on several occasions but it was nowhere near boyfriend/girlfriend.

I called him out more than once for posting obnoxious instagrams and snapchats with other girls to which he made up a semi decent excuse about them being his “friends.” I know I should have just dropped him at this point but instead we both kinda brushed it off because we weren’t really dating and I know for a fact none of the girls in his pictures would sleep with him anyway. I guess somewhere between hooking up with the same person too many times I kind of started to have feelings for him, but I wasn’t about to tell him that because I didn’t wanna seem psycho or weird and tbh I hate feelings. I could definitely feel us getting distant at times but when I was home for 3 weeks at the end of the summer we hung out and it didn’t feel weird at all. We had dinner before I left to study abroad and that was the last time I talked to him. I understand that he’s a total douche and I’m pretty much over it. The little bit of contact we’ve maintained is through snapchat and insta and even though I’m convinced I don’t like him anymore I still think about him almost daily. At one point I would think about him/miss him to the point where I was feeling way too heart broken over someone who I never dated. Even though now I’m like 90% over it, I still wonder about him/what he’s doing, ect. I purposefully don’t watch any of his snapchat stories and try not to think about him but it’s a lot harder than I thought. How do I get this fuckboy off of my brain?? Should I have texted him at some point 2 months ago to maintain contact? Am I supposed to expect him to hang out with me when I get back next month? He has probably hooked up with other girls since I left and is a total piece of shit but for some reason he always keeps popping up in my mind. It’s really annoying and I just want him to get out of my head forever. Also FML bc I can’t even rebound because I’m studying abroad in a group of 13 people and hooking up with anyone would look really bad/unprofessional.



Avoiding the feelz

Dear Feelings McGee,

Are you really avoiding the feels? Because if so you’re doing a pretty shit job. Your first sign that you were in too deep was when you called this SAB out for posting pics with other girls. Yeah, it’s a shady ass thing to do and no fun to be on the receiving end of, but until you become the gf you have to hold in all your craziness. If you let out the crazy too early, dudes (and people in general) are gonna lose respect for you. Also…what were you really expecting would be the outcome of this situation? Of course he’d say those girls were his friends, like regardless of truth that’s what literally anybody would say. Did you expect him to be like, “Oh, those were just some thots I took a photo with. Don’t worry babe, they got nothing on you”? Like, settle down, crazy. You really shot yourself in the foot with that one.

If you’re studying abroad in a foreign country and are still hung up on a dude that, by your own words, is a fuckboy, idk wtf you want me to do for you. Like…bruh. You may be hopeless. Are you really trying to tell me that the place you’re studying abroad is so boring that you have nothing to do but occupy your time with thoughts of a fuckboy, and it has ZERO available men who’d want to hook up with a (hopefully attractive) foreigner? Where are you studying, fucking Des Moines, Iowa? Get a grip. Also, you can make all the excuses you want, but I can pretty much guarantee you that professionalism and study abroad are not two things that go hand in hand. I’m just not buying anything you’re trying to sell me here. I see someone who’s still hung up on her non-ex and too scared to make a move on anyone else, which happens, but it’s not because you “can’t” find someone to help you get over him. It’s because you’re still holding out hope.

You’re on the right track with not watching his snapchat stories. I think you should avoid his social media altogether. In fact, avoid your phone altogether. You’re studying abroad, for fuck’s sake! If anything can take your mind off a guy, it’s being in another fucking country. Like literally, “go travel” is the advice people give middle aged divorcees, aka people who are going through real, tough breakups. You’re already traveling! Go experience shit. Hang out with all 13 people in your program. Meet some foreign guys. Unless you’re studying in a country that’s outlawed premarital sex (in which case, you fucked up), there’s no way you’re the only college-aged single in your area (lol). Not to sound like a Pinterest board, but you’ll probably only get to do this once in your life. Don’t fuck it up. Now go forth and have hot lost-in-translation sex with randos.

I believe in you,

The Betches

P.S. Should go without saying but what the hell: let the guy contact you once he gets back. If he does, great, if he doesn’t, he probably never gave a fuck to begin with.

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