Dear head pro,
So I have been hooking up with this guy from a year now on and off. He had a girlfriend for a while (he kind of ghosted me for her) but after they ended I decided to just continue hooking up with him because I just wanted to let the past be the past. He’s from home and we go to different schools super far away from each other, but we would hookup every time we were both home and vaguely maintained contact when we were both at school via snapchat. Once he texted me asking if I was gonna be home so we could hang out but he ended up bailing.
Anyway, this summer he reaches out to me and I’m willing to continue doing the hookup thing but I want to try and make something more serious if he was into it. Like a month ago I found out that he had hooked up with his ex gf a few times and called him out on it, and that’s when he kind of realized that things needed to change and that he “needed to put in more of an effort” (his words). SO we hung out once sober, and he would come to parties with my friends, told people he wanted to make things more serious, ect. All good signs. He always talked about going out on like real dates but never followed through. WHile this was all happening, I tried to maintain my betchiness by not texting him/ being needy. He’s 21 and I’m still underage so I understand that he wanted to go to bars and stuff.
Last week, totally out of the blue, he tells me in the middle of a party that he actually doesn’t want anything serious, he thought I wasn’t into him, that it’s timing and or schedules don’t work, and that he just doesn’t want to put in the effort to get to know me. When I said that I just needed a clean break, he said he still wanted to like talk to me and stuff so we decided to take a break for a week without talking to each other. I texted him after the week expecting to meet up and he just ended up saying that he just doesn’t think we should pursue anything over text. The fucked up and gross unbetchy thing is that I still want to like see him and stuff, but, like a BSCB, I deleted him off of every form of social media. I feel like I kind of have the upper hand because I know he wants to see me, but he unfortunately knows how much I like him but rejected me anyway. Is there anyway I can still be with him in some way while maintaining some form of dignity?
Can’t think of a witty pen name so :/
Sent from AOL Mobile Mail
Christ on a fucking cracker. You’re sending messages from AOL, and you want to know about “dignity?” So, this is… Ok. The problem here… Fuck. Alright. Jesus, these questions.
The problem is that while you didn’t “do” anything “wrong,” per se (in the sense that you were just a girl who liked a guy, hooked up with him, and hoped it went somewhere), the answers to your question are 1) fuck, and 2) no.
He told you, in no uncertain terms, that he didn’t want to go any further with you! In fact, it appears he gave you multiple explanations of varying validity (though I think probably #3 is the real winner) for why he doesn’t want to continue. Why would you be under the impression that you “know” he wants to see you?” You’ve deleted him off social media, so he couldn’t possibly tip his hand that way, and it doesn’t much sound like he’s otherwise reached out to you, either. Does that sound like the kind of guy you “know” wants to see you?
(Hint: when a guy says he still wants to “like, talk to you and stuff,” he means sex when it’s convenient.)
Just walk away. A guy saying things like “I’m gonna put in the effort” and “yeah, I guess we’re getting more serious,” it means fuck-all. They’re part of the same indecipherable male patois that includes phrases like “I need to tighten up” and “I could be down with that”—meaningless bullshit that sounds like something but doesn’t actually obligate us to anything.
If he wanted to make things work, he would. But he hasn’t, and he said he didn’t. Not sure where the ambiguity is there.
Sent from my BlackBerry Bold smartphone