The Gateway Hot Girlfriend, Explained

Every time you see an ugly hot bro cycling through hot betchy girlfriends, just remember that at one point in time he was just an ugly bro without the insufferable confidence he currently has. That is, until a Gateway Hot Girlfriend came along and ushered him into the betch dating pool.  We’re here to talk about the Gateway Hot Girlfriend (or the GHG for short), who is responsible for giving undeserving bros a false sense of confidence that they’ll take into the rest of their lives forever.

You know the Gateway Hot Girlfriend because chances are at some point, you’ve been one. That’s just a symptom of being the hottest girl the guy you’re dating has ever dated. If this constantly happens, you could be a chronic GHG. You may find yourself drawn to bros of lower attractiveness than you while you’re in a fragile state, justifying to yourself that he’s “funny” or “sweet” and “wouldn’t hurt you” so that you can date him.  It’s clear to everyone around you when you’re the GHG because people will constantly tell you that you can do better or be very surprised to find out who your boyfriend is. They might even give him a “wow, good job” as if you are some trophy that he stole from a real winner.

Sometimes this bro really does seem like a good fit at the time, because he’s just insecure enough to make you feel secure that he won’t leave you. Maybe your ex cheated on you or was a complete asshole, but this new less attractive bro is a departure from that and you welcome it. That is, until you start dating him and give him confidence.  You shower him with unconditional love, and because you’re the hottest betch he’s ever dated and a really good girlfriend when you want to be, he regains his self-esteem and ultimately becomes a douchebag and leaves you.

When you eventually break up, he’s become a different person. Like an asshole in sheep’s clothing, he now believes that your level of hot is the level he deserves. And other betches that may not have been interested in him before suddenly are, because they know he dated you.  The thing about betches is that even when we know objectively a bro is below our standards, the more hot betches he has as exes, the more we like him. And we like him even more when other hot betches currently are after him. It’s almost like it stops being about the bro himself and more just asserting our dominance over other betches.  And this battle of dominance is all started with when the GHG pops his hot girlfriend cherry.

Some examples of GHG’s that are celebrities are Elizabeth Moss and Fred Armisen. Elizabeth Moss is a babe, and Fred Armisen is funny, but like so is your dad. Yet he went on to discard Elizabeth to date 25 year old Abby Elliot. We wouldn’t be surprised if he next went on to date one of the Victoria Secret models, because that is how a GHG works. In The Wolf of Wall Street, Leo ditches his plain wife for the much hotter Margot Robbie (note: while Leo may be hot AF, the real life Jordan Belfort is…decidedly not). But once he realizes “Oh I can get betches of this caliber”, he takes on the whole buffet of mistresses, all as hot or hotter than her. It’s basically like the opposite of She’s All That. I mean, if you really think about it, Laney’s character in She’s All That probably would go on to date other hot bros when she and Freddie eventually break up. So Freddie Prinze Jr. is like a Gateway Hot Boyfriend.

The most frustrating thing about being a GHG is even if you and your friends all know that’s what you were, it’s still embarrassing to admit. Nobody likes to look back on a two year relationship and say “oh I always thought that Horace was much less hot than me, but I overlooked it because he was nice.” Especially because this will make you sound shallow and rude. This is also annoying because chances are during your relationship, he felt insecure about his looks so you white lied and told him how hot you found him. I mean, yeah, he was hot, but only because he was in love with you. Now that he’s dating other hot betches you realize that it’s your fault he only dates hot girls now.

So when you’re dating a “nice” bro that isn’t up to your attractiveness standards, just remember that you are creating a monster that is going to eventually believe he deserves better than you. While that’s great for his confidence, a part of you will always feel guilty that you unlocked Pandora’s box for this bro to mistreat women in your league.


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